Best of Johnston Craigslist: The Valentine’s Day Edition Lights Up with a Sexy Plow Light, ‘Dead Flowers’ and YouTube Extras

Before we get down and share all that dysfunctional romance that is Craigslist Dating, the theme song for “The Best of Craigslist – The Valentine’s Day Edition” is Sonia Dada’s “Lover (You Don’t Treat Me No Good No More).”

We offer that because none of this is working out well for anyone. It's not working out at all.

Do you doubt it?

Around the Patches

Here’s some love – or something – on the DART bus line as it travels between Johnston and Urbandale. Hum along to the best stalker song ever written.

“Maybe it's that intoxicating cologne of diesel fuel,” our stalker - er, lover – notes. “It makes me want to convince you to be the driver of my bus for life. I love ringing your bell but never really want you to stop when I do.

This might appeal to you in Waukee, where there are still open spaces to be plowed. Who doesn’t want a sexy plow light? 

Honestly, is there any other kind?

In West Des Moines, he has no idea what he wants. Get a grip, buddy. You screamed in CAPITAL LETTERS that she told you she will “NEVER” take you back. NEVER. GET IT? And, softly, you admitted you don’t know how you feel about her. 

You are what Patch’s daddy in Missouri used to call mansy-pansy. Send her flowers or don’t. Dead Flowers, maybe?

This week’s soap opera comes from Ankeny.

Rachel: “After our last day together at the lake. I remember walking home somehow knowing that was the last time I was going to see you. … … Things got messed up after that, people interfered. People pretended to be me saying things to you, you should know the last thing I ever said was if life brought our paths together again to please just walk away. After everything I could be mad, I could be bitter, I could be a lot of things. But I'm just disappointed you couldn't be yourself with me. …”

(But could you be more melodramatic?)

Interloper: You just can't help yourself, because you're an idiot. Let it go. It meant nothing and that's where it's at. Your endless ramblings are pathetic and funny. You always were good for a laugh. Get a life and stay out of mine.

Alex: It’s not you, it’s your family.

Rachel: “You're barking up the wrong tree. Not only am I not whomever you seem to think but what you said was contradictory on so many levels. You have issues with someone you know take your immaturity out in person. …”

And then there’s this and this.

People, don’t you ever talk face-to-face with one another.

Or do you just spend your time wishing upon Craigslist? Wish you were a mind-reader? Don’t overthink it. Do you mean me? No, unfortunately. Indeed.

Oh, and Valentine’s Day is for haters, too.

This says it all.

And if all that doesn’t make you throw up a little in your mouth, we don’t want you to leave disappointed.