Best of West Des Moines Craigslist: ‘Iowa Nice’ and Some Not-So-Nice Iowa

Not everything on Craigslist is weird and pathetically hopeless. You have to click links to find it, but here is some “Iowa Nice” from West Des Moines.

Earlier this year, a man and his three children stopped at the Village Inn in West Des Moines as they were traveling from Minnesota to southern Missouri to bury his wife and the kids’ mother, who had died after a long battle with breast cancer.

They were in a hurry, so they asked the server for their check. The woman advised that the bill had been taken care of by another patron.

“I would like to thank the kind and generous family that paid for our dinner,” the anonymous poster wrote. “My son, wearing his letterman jacket had a short conversation with a nice man when we first arrived, he and his family were generous and paid our tab. I can't thank you enough for that random act of kindness, it sure was needed at that very moment! Thank you and God Bless!”

That kind of thing happens a lot in Iowa. It proves the “Iowa Nice” moniker is deserved and not just snarky (but smart) political commentary.

But there’s plenty of pathetic hopelessness, too, and not all of it involves romance or the lack of it. Take this offer to trade a car a 1982 Volkswagen that runs and drives poorly, needs electrical work, doesn’t have a working heater, and needs new tires for a 2013 Lamborghini.

This says it all: “It’s a bit ugly but if you have no self respect and need a cheap ride to the crack house this one's for you!”

Lost and Found: Prosthetic leg on public transit. Respond only if you’re attractive. There’s some kind of reverse Cinderella complex going on where the finder finally meets the owner of the legend he turns out to be Prince Charming or, better, a sexy cowboy. The story goes downhill after that ...

This is for venting purposes only. Patch understands.

People, you are never really  alone in your cars. This poor motorist witnessed this and wanted to call 911, fearing that with “the way you were digging in your nose ... you were causing yourself some sort of brain trauma.”

This story went downhill, too. “You studied your boogers with what seemed like an eternity, and then when you could not resist it anymore, the urge to jam your snot filled finger into your mouth consumed you and you ate your booger.”

Ew.

People are watching when you as you skillfully maneuver your fingers and plow up your nostrils. No one needs to see that.

Speaking of gross things: Really? More ew. You ain’t read nothing yet, baby. Double, triple, quadruple, infinity ew. Takes all kinds, Patch guesses.

Around the Patches

Flying high in West Des Moines thinks that’s a sly little smile, loves that your lip just curls up a bit. It’s “not appropriate” in the workplace, but there’s always Craigslist.  Or not. Also, was that his imagination? And he was looking at more than racks of clothing.

In Johnston, care to speculate what “our lives are difficult” means?

In Ankeny, the coffee cups runneth over with hotness. It must be in the water they use. Tiffany can bag his groceries any time. But don’t be a creeper. What was your last name? Also, she’s confused  about what he wants. It’s damaging. She knows you won’t see the Craigslist message, which is why she posted it.

Now Patch is confused. What is the point? Here’s a clue. But this only muddies the waters.

Hot city worker in Urbandale. You were stunning. Also, Kristin, he can’t hold it in any longer. Your fiance is a lucky man. “You would give your last dollar to a hungry man who just punched you in the face. Please don't ever change.”

That’s sweet. This isn’t. Shame on you.

Her high heels caught his attention in Waukee. The smile kept it.

Posting Hint

We’re all about public service here at Patch, so in that spirit, please heed this tip:

A return makes a paragraph. Please use it. She’ll never wade through this epistle. She may be the only girl you want in my world, the only girl he wants to wake up to, the only girl he wants to marry, the only girl he wants o make things right with, the only girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. She may always will be the love of my life. She came into his life, picked him up, then like a child, he pushed him away.

That’ll happen.

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