The A-Word

Let me preface this rather lengthy blog post (my first in several months) by saying the subject matter was already in my head before reading t, but I hadn't had the motivation to write it 'til reading hers. So, thanks Aliza :)

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Today I want to discuss the “A” word. No, not that “A” word, get yer minds outta the gutter. The other one.

The one no politician in their right mind likes to talk about because it angers a large portion of the population no matter what stance they take. The one most of us have some experience with, either personally or with a friend or family member. The one that has caused families to divide and parents to abandon their daughters.

Abortion.

A little background on me before we start in here. I was adopted by my folks when I was pretty young, about a year old. I was raised in a loving home by great parents and wonderful siblings. I was given a life my birthmother couldn’t give me because she was underage (16 when I was born), unsupported (the father was a married man and she was a runaway from an abusive household), and a recovering addict. In short, my situation was more or less the exact kind of situation where an abortion might be used to solve the issue and allow her to move on. As an adoptee herself, she didn’t have much faith in the system that placed her with such an abusive situation.  For reasons I will never understand but for which I am eternally grateful, she chose to carry me to term and give me up for adoption, giving me a chance at the life I now live and enduring the pain of relinquishing the child she carried for 9 long months as a result.

Sounds like a pretty convincing argument from a pro-life advocate. I used it as such for a long time. It’s a personal story and one that resonates with a lot of folks.

But I’m pro-choice.

That is not a decision I have come to lightly. Both my faith and my personal history tell me I should be pro-life and for many years, I was. About ten years ago, though, I heard an argument that changed my perspective completely. I’ll give you the short version:

Imagine you’re contemplating doing something illegal. Let’s use drugs for our example. You want to try cocaine, a known addictive and illegal substance. You find someone who can supply you with some, you make the purchase, you have your fun, and the next thing you know you’re going back for more and more. You’re an addict. Eventually you wind up in rehab but for a long time, you’re a slave to something that controls your thoughts and desires, suppresses your appetite, destroys your self-respect and self-awareness, and pretty much ruins your life.

Now what if you had gone to your dealer and before you could buy your cocaine, you had a chance to talk to someone who’d been down the road you’re headed down now? Someone who’d lost a marriage, lost a job, dropped out of school, went to jail...all because of what you were about to do now? I think most people would reconsider, or at least give it a good, long reckoning before going forward with the drugs.

But that doesn’t happen. Illegal drugs don’t come with support programs in advance, and while rehab exists, it often takes years of abuse before an addict makes their way to a program that helps.

Ever since Roe v. Wade made abortion legal in 1973, support programs for young mothers considering abortion have been in place. Groups like Planned Parenthood and Catholic Charities have been able to talk to pregnant women considering abortion before they went through with it. The young mothers have received information on adoption. They’ve had opportunities to meet with medical doctors in a medical office, not a med school dropout in a back alley. The chance to explore all of their options has existed for these young mothers and the care for them no matter what route they take has been allowed to exist legally for nearly 40 years now.

If abortion were illegal, none of it, not one single bit of it would exist. I believe in that situation, not only would abortion occur far more often (no one’s around to talk them out of it) but the mothers would receive no care, no support, and many would become ill, perhaps fatally so, because of grossly inadequate medical care. The social stigma (Scarlet Letter-style) that used to be associated with women who'd been through an abortion would reassert itself and they'd find themselves shunned from the churches, temples, and mosques they might otherwise have felt welcomed in. I'll admit that's a theory, but it's based on our history and you know what they say about those who forget the lessons of history...

So all of that being said, I find myself in the position of being both against abortion and pro-choice. I’ve come to resent it a bit when people assume that because I’m pro-choice, I’m automatically pro-abortion. By its very definition, a choice implies at least two options. I personally support the one everyone seems to forget about when they hear the term “pro-choice” and for all of the reasons I just gave, I believe the other choice needs to exist legally.

Is abortion murder? That depends on when you believe life begins. Nothing else. If life begins at when the baby draws its first breath, then no. You can’t kill something that doesn’t have life. If it begins in the womb, then yes, of course it is.

The courts have tried for years to determine a legal basis for when that occurs, though it’s most commonly considered to be between 24-28 weeks (6 to 7 months). This timeframe was established because that’s when the court determined “viability” to exist, meaning the child can exist outside of the mother’s womb, albeit with the assistance of machines. As a result, third trimester abortions have been illegal in most states for years unless the mother’s life is seriously jeopardized. 

The question being raised now is with medical technology advancing at its breathtaking rate, we’ve seen babies born at 5 months (or less) surviving and becoming happy, healthy infants. What happens when we can help a 2-month old fetus survive? Do second trimester abortions become illegal as well?

I don’t have an answer to that. I wish I did, but I honestly don’t think anyone does.

For me, it’s about caring and compassion, and not just for the child. My biggest criticism of the pro-life movement I used to be a part of is that not enough concern is given for the mother. The hard-liners in the movement that don’t care if the pregnancy is the result of incest or rape have done more to damage the public image of the movement than any pro-choicer ever could. Treating the mothers as evil, murderous villains and not as human beings is about as anti-spiritual as it gets. Nearly all sects of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic religions condemn abortion but so often do not seem to care for the women whose lives are profoundly affected by this decision. They’re pro-life, but only the child’s life, and that cannot continue.

I know I’m in the minority of minorities, and I know my opinion will make many of my Jewish, Muslim, and Christian brothers and sisters shake their heads and promise to pray for my poor, twisted and sinful mind. I’ll take their prayers because I think we all need them and because I’d like to think that I always remain open the possibility that I’m wrong (in any of my opinions, religious, political, or otherwise). My opinion will probably make a lot of them mad. That’s ok, too.

I’m in the business of grace. I’ve received it and will continue to receive it for the rest of my life. Forgiveness I don’t deserve, mercy I haven’t earned, and compassion for no good reason at all. My response to that, my duty as a result is to pass it on to someone else, to pay it forward. That means mothers of unborn children, not just the unborn children. The fetuses are innocent, and while the mothers most often are not innocent in the creation of the fetus, that doesn’t mean I overlook them when I’m busy handing out the grace I’ve received.

One final note: I know all of my personal history because I know my birthmother personally now. I met her for the first time when I was 18 and she’s a wonderful, beautiful human being and someone to whom I’m proud to be related. She wasn’t the one that changed my mind on this issue, but to say she was a major factor would be an understatement. Like all of us, she’s received a huge serving of undeserved grace and has turned her former broken life into something amazing. Like all of us, she’s made mistakes and has to live with them, but me? Me, she did right by.

May grace find all of us this holiday season.