(An Open Letter to Pastor Paula White, the head of President Trump's White House Faith Office)
Dear Pastor White,
Please give me advice regarding the following elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
-- Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
-- I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
-- I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness, as per Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
-- When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord, as per Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
-- I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
-- A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, as per Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
-- Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
-- Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
-- I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
-- I have relatives who tend to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that I go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them, as per Lev.24:10-16? Couldn't I just burn them to death at a private family affair, as is done with people who sleep with their in-laws, as per (Lev. 20:14)?
Thank you, Pastor White, for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Yours in Christ,
Mel Tansill, a proud renegade Lutheran
