Are you like an "As Is" item?

Here's the trick of making and keeping friends: start right where they are, "as is."

Despite approaching our thirtieth year of marriage, I still don't have all the answers for a successful marriage. But I do have one piece of advice for young couples who are contemplating that next step of tying the knot: "Can you look at one another right now and say to yourselves, if this person never changes, can I still love them?" Most of them say "yes" but I don't really believe it.

You see, too many people enter relationships with a secret agenda to "help" the other one along, to enlighten the other one, or to train them. I am no different. My husband had been a bachelor for so long that he was almost camping out even if it was in a house. He had two forks, two knives, two spoons; he had two sets of sheets and towels (one in use and the other in the laundry). He lived quite frugally, rode a bike to work, and naturally, had no debt (smart man). Needless to say, despite falling in love with the "as is" man, I thought he needed a little fine-tuning. Of course, he thought I needed a little help too. I mean, when I moved into that little Atlanta house, I had twice as much "stuff" as he did, a dog, two cats, and non-stop monologues. I was a tornado.

Who we really fell in love with was the person we imagined the other to become.

Unfortunately, this can happen in a church or other organization. We're waiting for the person follow the mold, to use the right language, to assimilate. If the person is "off" or not quite like us, we are hesitant to engage.

But the truth is, a real friend has three primary responsibilities (Jess Bousa shared these points last Sunday): help others overcome obstacles, stand in the gap where the other person is vulnerable, and simply, "do life" together. Marriage is the same really, isn't it?

We each encounter challenges in our lives, sometimes financial, sometime health, sometimes emotional. It's in those times that we need some sense of stability, a person or group of people who will provide strength or calm or flat out aid. In the Bible story of the 4 friends who not only carried the paralyzed man to the house where Jesus was teaching, only to find the crowd was too dense to get through, they immediately went to "Plan B" - go through the roof. [see Mark 2:1-5]

The paralyzed man was totally dependent on others. He was completely vulnerable. He chose to expose his vulnerabilities and the friends chose to embrace them. How often do we turn away from the weaknesses of others because they make us uncomfortable?

In my mind, life is hard. No one should have to navigate it alone. As Pastor Jess says, we need to "do life" together, work through the hard stuff, share the burdens, lighten the load.

I have a friend who had a radical mastectomy and all she could think about what how ugly she looked. Her personal shame was even greater than her pain. She feared that no one could accept her "as is" again. What she needed in that moment was to know that she was still beautiful to me. And she was. Eventually, time healed her body and her heart.

Every church needs both kinds of people, the ones still tied to the "mats of their vulnerabilities" and the ones who have learned ways to help carry them. It may entail that "extra mile.

Irmgarde Brown
Blogger, Writer, Librarian,
Follower of Christ
Facebook: irm.brown
Twitter: IrmBrown

CURRENT SERMON SERIES

Is a Facebook friend a real friend? Do relationships in movies define your relationship? Social networking sites like Facebook have revolutionized friendships. Relationships have been transformed by new social norms like “friends with benefits.” Marriages have been changed by spouses who look for happiness first not holiness. Join us on Feb. 12 as we kick off a new 3-week series called: Relationships Gone Wild. We will look at God’s design for friendships, relationships and marriage. No matter how far you might have gotten off track from God’s best for your relationships. With God, failure is not final!

Restore Church NEW SERVICE TIMES

Sunday @ 9:00, 10:15 & 11:30 AM
Saturday @ 6 PM

Restore Church :: Havre de Grace Campus
616 Ontario Street
Havre de Grace, MD

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