Do Not Let Bad Thoughts By Evil People Influence Your Life Elita Sohmer Clayman

Leave the mind in its natural, undisturbed state. Don't follow thoughts of "This is a problem that is a problem!" Without labeling difficulties as problems, leave your mind in its natural state. In this way, you will stop seeing miserable conditions as problems."

- Lama Zopa Rinpoche

This I do not understand too much. I agree with don’t follow thoughts of this is a problem, but sometimes, we have to label things to clear them up in our mind. If our mind is troubled by a thought, I think it best to think it out and to see why we find it a problem and why does it bother us so much? Is it worth the anxiety this thought bothers us with and how troublesome it makes us feel.

I had a best friend who had a mother-in-law from Hell. The expression must have been coined for my friend with the non-relationship, this young woman had with her. The young daughter-in-law was as nice as one could find to have married her son. She started out with this daughter-in-law by trying to sabotage the colors of the wedding. She could not find the color dress that would have matched the colors in the bride’s wedding. Every bride from the beginning of modern weddings decides on her color theme. My neighbor’s daughter wanted a black and white theme, and everyone in the wedding party had to wear black and she and the flower girl wore white. That was it and if they could not find the black dress of their liking, she did not allow them to be in her bridal party. She did not make them wear an ugly dress she may have picked out for them, so she let them wear black, all of their choosing and their style. It was remarkably quite pretty and different because all the ladies and girls in the wedding did not wear the same and exact style dress like is usually done in weddings now.

So the mean mother-in-law decided she could not find a pink dress in all of the state and so the bride gave in and let her and her daughter wear blue. Everyone except the bride wore pink. Everyone could find a pink dress, not these two. She gave in and that was the beginning that the mean one thought she could control this young woman. She found out differently and the young bride was always polite, kind and respectful to her, though she did not deserve it. Of course the son, the groom heard nothing of this going on and that set the pattern for their marriage. His mother could do and say what she wanted, the new bride said nothing to her new husband and that was the way the marriage went for over thirty years.

She thought not to think about the thoughts of the mean mother-in-law would spare problems between her and her husband. It did not because the MM responded by pulling off many more actions of nerve and hostilities to the young girl. The longer she let MM get away with things, the worse it got. One day, she approached her husband and told him lots of these things the MM was pulling. He shrugged his shoulders and said “what can I do?”  She was his mother and he lacked the gumption to have courage and resourcefulness to try and challenge his mother to be nice and decent to his wife.

So time went by and the MM passed on and life got better, but it took over thirty years for that occasion to occur.

The young woman was now in her fifties and so much time was lost with the MM being in her life. By MM, I do not mean the chocolate covered candy we love. I mean Mean Mother-in-law.

My mom on the other hand remained best friends with her ex-daughter-in-law after my brother and her divorced. She was still a part of her life and my life and that was a sweet time. My brother use to wonder why did Mom still remain friends with his ex-wife, but they liked and loved each other and that was an excellent beginning to a new and constant relationship between the two of them.

Sometimes, we must choose what is best for our mind, soul and even our health when we are in a relationship that bothers and disturbs us. Many people divorce on account of butting in relatives, in-laws and problems that occur in marriages.

My darling daughter-in-law Lan calls my husband and me her second mom and dad. What a sweet and kind remark to us and of course, we deserve it, but she is wise enough to see what she has and we are fortunate to have her as our daughter too. We of course are honored to be her second parents, as her parents are dear, good people and it is our exaltation to be placed in the same position as they are in.

There is no reason for bickering or meanness between the son’s wife and the son’s mother. The mother raised him to be happy, content and prosperous and whoever he chooses to be his wife, the mother should respect his wishes, even if in her distorted mind, she does not like the young woman. She disrespects her son by showing unpleasantness to his choice for being his life partner and the mother of his children. Who is she to decide this life forming idea as to who will make him happy and who will be the mother of his children?

She herself was fortunate; she had no mother-in-law modeled after her; her husband’s mom was gone when he married her.

To say this is a problem, which is a problem, is nothing,   and without labeling difficulties as problems, leave your mind in its natural state is quite irresponsible advice.

So to say you will stop seeing miserable  conditions is nonsense and trying to solve it by doing nothing is not smart too. I have thirty credits from college in psychology and we learned that doing nothing is not helping your situation.

If there happens to be bad conditions in your life, try and work them out somehow or eliminate it if it is possible. Contact with the person or persons you are involved with that causes this terrible environment for you should be dropped too. You may have to speak up to them or your spouse if it is a relative doing this to you and it is his relative. Please do not let this ruin your life, you do not deserve it and they should not upset and disrespect you. You should enjoy every day and label your problem, get some help from someone professional if it gets to the point, it is disturbing the relationship of you and your husband. Someone I knew, actually my podiatrist (dancers keep their feet feeling great and in good shape) told me his mother-in-law did not like him at all and never had a good word to say about him. He took it for a long time and then he stopped it. I do not know how, but he said his life was better for it. Once he took her out for dinner, she lived far away, so that was a bonus too for him and a bug flew in his drink and she sat there and laughed at the event and he saw such joy in her eyes; he knew that she was a messed up personality. He was glad she lived quite a distance from his family and he did not have to deal with her, but twice a year when she visited.

Know that you are the good one, you did not deserve the evil mother-in-law and remember when you are a mother-in-law, you be like my mom and her ex- daughter-in-law and Elita like she and her dear and beloved Lan are to each other. Be good to each other, because you both love the same guy, your son and her husband and Life is excellent for you both, because you two have him.