Moms Say the Darndest Things

Last week, I came across a column at Huff Post Parents titled “The Good, The Bad, And The Gross,” detailing some of the writer’s disgusting adventures in parenting, from catching projectile vomit in her bare hands to trimming her son’s toenails by biting them. It was all about the wild things we moms wind up doing in the name of love that we never would have imagined ourselves doing pre-children.

The funny gross-out column made me nod my head in agreement - the barf story hit particularly close to home because my 20-month-old son’s to me was to upchuck all over my lap after the presents had been unwrapped.

The piece made me think about not just the surprising things we do as parents but also the things we say that we never thought we’d say. Specifically, lately I have found myself directly quoting my own mom just as I hear my 4-year-old daughter saying the same things I said at her age. I don’t want to put words in Lucy’s mouth, so I’ll only recount some of the things I’ve said lately that echo my mom.

“Well then, you must not really be hungry after all.” The first time I said this to Lucy over a recently discarded dinner, I shuddered at how much I sounded like my own mother. It was like I had found a wormhole back to the mid 1980s. I can remember being so frustrated to be on the receiving end of that check-make comment as a kid. I never found a comeback that could match it.

 “Aw, shhhhhhhhhhh…..sugar!” This and several other swear-word placeholders have been uttered by yours truly the past couple of months in an effort to keep the potty-mouth gene at bay in my children. with a fast direct quote from my daughter was enough to convince me to make the effort. My mom’s verbal acrobatics in this genre included “Pickle juice!” and “Dagnabbit!” Only time will tell if my creativity can ever match hers.

 “Because I’m the mom and I said so.” This golden oldie ends many mother-kid arguments before they ever get off the ground. I try to save it as a last-resort retort so it will maintain its potency for years to come. If the pre-school years are any indication, the tween years and beyond should be a fun ride.