Daydreaming About Mega Millions

As the reaches a record amount, I join the throngs of eager suckers who have plunked down real cash for a chance to win. Tonight’s drawing will make someone (hopefully me) or someone else (may they get paper cuts counting their winnings) very happy. And as everyone else is doing today, I’m pondering what I would do with my piles and piles of cash.

Of course, we all start by paying off bills and mortgages and all the standard obligatory payments. Then we take care of a few family members and their bills. From there, I think we all have our own unique dreams of what this kind of money would allow us to do.

First, as I promised on Facebook, I’d buy my Patch editor, Tim Lemke, a pizza. But I’d let him pick the place and the fixings. If that means flying him and his family to Rome for the best pizza margherita in the world, so be it! If he prefers to go with a local place and display his Odenton loyalty, I wouldn’t hold it against him.

I think I’d also buy the townhouse next to me that is currently a rental property. I don’t want the house, but just want to evict the inconsiderate guy who’s currently renting. Dogs not on leashes, dog [poop] not being picked up, obnoxiously loud car that he insists on blasting through the neighborhood and earning complaints from several streets away, and a general disregard for common neighborly niceness. This move to get him out of the neighborhood would be my sole act of community service. You’re welcome, Seven Oaks.

Of course, there’d be the dream car purchase. But not a supercar or an ultra-luxury car;  I’d get some beat up turd of a car. This would be used to “gently” teach those drivers we all hate a few lessons. Left-lane campers (those morons who either barely do the speed limit, if they even manage to go that fast, in the left lane and create a huge backup behind them) can expect a bashed rear end. And for fellow Patch blogger, , I’d cruise parking lots for and give them a “gentle” nudge.

For my dear , there’d be a whole wing in my new house dedicate to her comfort, fun, and anything else she wanted. Toys, a live-in vet, and a litter box the size of a Cadillac—hell, I’d buy her a Cadillac and have it turned into a litter box.

I could go on and on, but from here, things turn into R-, MA-, and X-rated dreams, none of which are appropriate for a family site such as the Patch.

What are some of your unusual dreams that you’d do with a windfall of cash such as tonight’s Mega Millions jackpot?