Parenting on Cruise Control

One of the best benefits of blogging is the ability to use my voice to express my view on things. As you may have seen from my other posts, I always try to show a little of myself and not just hide behind the anonymity of the Web. Blogging here on Patch also lets me get to some local issues that other may have some interest in. And this post will let me address something that’s been on my mind for several years—I’d say around seven or eight.

Back in 2004 or 2005, the Seven Oaks Association informed the residents, through our neighborhood newsletter, of its intention to construct a fence along the train tracks that run along the back part of the community. If I recall correctly, they cited complaints and concerns from parents that the train tracks were dangerous and that the community should spend its funds to put up a fence to keep the kids off the tracks. I took exception to this for several reasons:

1. Association exempt from its own rules. The proposed plan was to erect a chain link fence. A type of fence that is absolutely forbidden for residents’ use by our covenants.
2. Association ignoring property rights of certain owners. I approve of most, if not all, of the community covenants, as I think they protect our property rights and market values from other residents who might not be as faithful to their maintenance obligations. Since my townhouse backs up to the train tracks, I didn’t think it was fair for there to be a chain link fence put up within view from my property. If the covenants are really for the greater good of the community, then all residents’ rights should be respected, especially by the Association.
3. Addressing the symptom not the problem. In all honesty, I can’t recall ever seeing any kids playing on or near the tracks. There was a time that some kids where crossing the tracks while coming from or going to the other neighborhood through the woods or somewhere in that direction. I didn’t see how the tracks were really a safety issue. But parents who must not have really researched the area before moving in got freaked out that their kids might find the tracks appealing and want to play there. And that’s what I saw as the real problem: a lack of parenting. I grew up on a farm—210 or so acres of potential deathtraps. Barns, heavy machinery, a saw mill, guns in every corner, big animals, barbed-wire fences, two older brothers, and countless other hazards. What did I get? I got told that there is dangerous stuff out there and to be careful. In fact, when we would visit my grandparents in Kentucky, we were actually encouraged to go up and put pennies on the train tracks. It was always with the understood and expressed cautions of—ready for this—"watch out for the big giant train." I guess those were the old days when parents took responsibility for their kids’ actions.
4. The fence would have two very inherent flaws. Imagine a stretch of community property that runs parallel to the train tracks. Then imagine a short line between the two. This line would represent the chain link fence. What do you see wrong there? Two ends. Two ends of a fence that kids would laugh at as they walked around them and played on the tracks.
5. Other dangers. Here in Seven Oaks we have a large pond area, several marshy areas, and, of course, streets where kids like to play. How are the train tracks any more dangerous than the unguarded/unfenced water where kids could wander into and drown? What about all these kids playing in the street? If we were going to fence off the tracks in the name of safety, I expected these other hazards to be equally contained. I want to see tunnels instead of sidewalks so kids couldn’t easily jump into the street. I want a chain link fence around the pond. I want all cars that enter the neighborhood to be made of Nerf.

Before you ask, yes, I voiced my opinion. I wrote a letter in objection to the Association that was printed in the newsletter. I attended the meeting where the fence was going to be discussed. It was at this meeting that I brought up some of my objections and before a rational conversation could be held, the chairman of the board or whatever he was called, essentially told me, “We’re the board of directors; we will do whatever we want.” Yeah, stay classy Seven Oaks.

Why am I bringing this up now, after all these years? Because vindication is mine and has been mine for many years now—within two days of the fence’s installation, I saw two kids coming from the tracks and climbing under the fence with ease. I watched this from my bedroom window and just smiled to myself with that delicious feeling of being right. The Association threw $10,000 away because some parents wanted someone else to do their job.

I would be willing to bet that not one of those parents who were so scared of the train tracks ever came out personally to inspect the fence. If they would have, they would have seen the gaping opening under the fence where it crosses a ditch. This is where the kids strolled through the fence as if it weren’t even there.

This is parenting on cruise control. Parenting by remote control. Parenting by putting the burden on others to help them do their job as parents. Parenting that needs a cause (“We need a fence to save our babies”) but refuses to take any responsibility ("maybe I should go check out this fence to make sure that it really meets our needs").

No. I don’t have kids. I have a cat and two vasectomy scars. Pics available upon request.