Unconditional Parenting

Reading Alfie Kohn's book Unconditional Parenting was, for me, a culture shock.  I had thought the only way to parent was  1-2-3 Magic-style, a book that emphases conditions, results, obedience, and time-outs.  In other words, the goal of parenting was to get the kids to obey.  I didn't think twice about that. Of course I wanted my kids to obey me. 

Kohn thinks differently. He wants parents and children to interact not in the manner of a dog trainer with her dogs, but collaboratively, thoughtfully. It made me panicky. No stickers? No chore charts? No chips? What if the dogs (I mean my kids) woudn't do I wanted them to do without bribery?

So far the best part of trying to parent unconditionally has been trying to think like a kid. What is it like for a three-year-old to be chastized for spilling milk? Of course a three-year-old spills milk, it is where they are developmentally and there is no sense in crying over it. That has helped me calm down, and enjoy my kids where they are, not senseless demanding what they cannot yet give.