My Daughter's Filter, Or Lack Thereof

“Why, why, why?”

This has become the most popular phrase with my daughter these days. While it can drive me to the point of near insanity some days, I feel like I can tolerate it because the questions remain private. What I wasn’t prepared for was for my daughter’s complete lack of a filter to come at the expense of others.

We recently had the pleasure of visiting with my husband’s grandmother. Because she lives in Florida, we only see her once or twice a year, so we always try to make the most of her visits. On past occasions, my daughter has only warmed up to her on the last day or so of her visit, but this time she ran couldn’t wait for her flight to arrive. My daughter took care of her great-grandma when she had trouble making it up the steps and shared cuddly embraces with her that even I am not often graced with. I rejoiced in this new-found assertiveness my daughter was expressing, glad that our grandmother was finally getting to enjoy the person she is becoming. It was certainly a welcome change from the often shy and timid girl she has a tendency to be.

We decided that it would be nice to have a “girls day” and do some shopping. Since it was a nice day, we ventured out to the Hunt Valley to browse the shops. After our shopping was through, we stopped by the fountain to make some wishes. As we were packing away our change once all our wishes had been wished, my daughter went up to snuggle with her great-grandma. Then came something I wasn’t expecting.

“Grandma, what’s that?” my daughter questioned her Grandma about the extra skin hanging from her upper arm.

“That’s just what happens to your skin when you get older, honey.” She responded with a chuckle.

“Grandma, I think it’s fat.” My daughter challenged in a very serious tone.

I was mortified! We all laughed, which was I’m sure the wrong response, but my grandmother and I were so caught off guard that we didn’t know how else to respond. I guess I knew this day was coming. She is a very inquisitive little girl and the lack of a mental filter seems to be common among kids her age.

We got off easy this time – while offending someone is never something we want our kids to do, I guess for selfish reasons it’s a little better when the person they’re offending is family. Of course, I apologized to her and explained to my daughter later why what she said wasn’t polite. My fear is when she is unable to filter her thoughts around a complete stranger that might be less than understanding – I’m sure we’ve all come across that all too familiar stranger that is less than understanding when our kids are being, well, being kids.

I suppose for now all I can do is hope that she models my behavior and hold my breath, praying that she doesn’t say the wrong thing in front of the wrong set of ears. Kids will be kids, but one of our jobs as parents is to make sure our kids are polite and well mannered. Teaching my daughter that there is a time and a place for everything is going to be a challenge I’m sure, but I’m also sure that it will be met with a few laughs along the way.