Kardashian Improves U.S., Iran Relations

The truth of the matter is, I doubt it. But what have we got to lose?

Here's the skinny. Iran is developing nuclear power it says it needs as energy for its country. The U.S., and the rest of the world's leading countries, believe they are working to create a nuclear weapon. Thus, our two countries are at each others throats, again.

I have the solution to get them playing in the sandbox again. Ready for this? Here goes: Arranged marriages. You may think that I've lost a screw, but the idea is a very sound one, though not original.

In the 13th century, the Hapsburg family of Vienna, Austria ruled the entire world. The Hapsburg dynasty is the longest and greatest in recorded human history. How did they do it? You guessed it, arranged marriages. The empire arranged marriages with leading heads of states of potential enemies. It worked then, why not now?

To get us started, I propose we arrange a marriage between Iran's president, Ahmadinejad's brother—or first cousin—to one, or both of Newt Gingrich's ex-wives. If he declines them, like Newt did, we can then offer him that Kardashian chick. She's available, yes?

Well, there you have it, people. The new 'It' factor in world relations. Now, my work is done.