A Puddle Of Concern

This is a nice list to look over and to apply to your now life. I was of the generation that always tried to please our parents out of respect. I rarely said no and I always was the good kid in the family. I did everything that was asked of me and I had a nice and loving childhood. We did not have a lot of money; we had good cooked and baked food, a very clean home, decent, but inexpensive clothes, as everyone in the neighborhood had, necessary medical care and most of all devoted parents.

There is a list that goes like this:

1. Stop doing things you don’t want to do.

2. Communicate clearly.

3. Stop people pleasing.

4. Say what you really mean.

5. Trust your instincts.

6. Never talk yourself down.

7. Follow your inspirations.

8. Don’t be afraid to say No

9. Don’t be afraid to say yes.

10. Be kind to yourself.

These are all very good pieces of advice for our living life every day. Sometimes we cannot stop doing things we do not like. We have to learn how to say no and to say yes when it is needed. We should never put our self down in front of others. We should talk up our good points, refer to worthy things we have accomplished and we must be proud of our goals. When we inspire our self to do something different from the usual mode, we are doing well. Usually, we are supposed to inspire others to do things; now we inspire ‘me.’  We trust our instincts so we can bring to fruition the fulfillment of our desires. We stop people pleasing because this is not what we are all about because we can communicate clearly and we say what we really do mean.

Most importantly, we should be kind to our self. If we understand our self, then we can show compassion to others.

When I was a child, we never said no to our teachers. We knew they were the boss for all of the seven hours we were in their domain. We said “yes Miss Jones, I will do it right away.” We had a spot on the report card that said if we were polite and that our conduct was appropriate. I always got the highest mark there and my brother always had comments written there. They said he talked too much and later it was figured out that since he was so smart; most teachers would not call on him for any answers. Therefore, he would shout it out. Finally, Dad went to the school, spoke to the teacher and he prevailed on her to let him respond sometimes. Then his marks in that part of the report card became acceptable.  The teachers should have had experiences enough to note that the child needed to be able to show he knew the lesson.

People pleasing is hard to stop doing. We all try to be pleasant most of the time and when we meet people who have the power to give us an appointment at a busy doctor’s office; we try to be extra nice. We want that appointment because we need it and she has the power to give or not give it to us. One day, I called a new doctor’s office and the first person I spoke to was very snippy. She acted like I was bothering her and finally I said “it is people like me, who allow you to have this job. If we did not call you, you would not be sitting there. You need not speak to me in that tone.”  She gave me the appointment and when I got there two weeks later, I asked for Penny. They told me she no longer worked there because they had many complaints about her phone manner. I had not complained, others did and good for them. The person sitting there was very pleasant and kind.

Of course now, we have to press buttons to speak to a specific person or department. Nordstrom has a nice way when they answer a call. After you tell them what department you want, the operator (no button pushing) says “it is my pleasure.”  Right there, you feel wanted and it is a pleasure to deal with them. Some offices say “thank you for calling Smith and Jones Jewelry Store.” Verizon is very pleasant and everything they do for you is please wait, then thank you for waiting, anything else I can do for you and finally have a good day. I always fill out there online questionnaire for DSL service, that the technician was superior and very competent and extremely polite.

There is a fine saying I came across. It states “stop thinking about what could go wrong, start thinking of what could go right.”

When we ballroom dance and a man comes up to ask you to dance, in the beginning years I would decline, but nicely, saying I only danced at this point in my dancing time with my husband. I hated to turn someone down, but I was not experienced enough to try to dance with a stranger. As I got more experience, I would say OK and I

I really did not like dancing with anyone other than my teacher if he was there and my husband. Eventually, I felt competent enough to say yes and no more no’s and I became popular. I still would have preferred to dance only with my husband and the teacher. I did it because I did not want to hurt someone’s feelings, it was not polite.

The list is an informative selection of interesting things we can or cannot do. It is up to each of us to see which ones apply to our life and to us.

I heard this expression today, not my words, but they are quite expressive of life’s situations at any time. It is “a puddle of concern.” It means to me that we have a pool of concern meaning responsibility or anxiety in life. We have to choose what we want and to choose it well. Our quality of life depends on our right choices.