The Art of Letting Go: Part One

In high school, I was known as the "smart, quiet one," which sometimes earned me the label of being "stuck up." 

"You think you're better than everyone else, don't you," a teenage boy once accused. He couldn't have been further from the truth. You don't know me at all, I often wished I had said. Instead, I turned and walked away, but held on to the hurt.

Another memory surfaces from a few years ago. I was "flipped off" by another driver one afternoon. I consider myself to be a pretty attentive driver, but his reaction and hand gesture definitely implied some mistake on my part. I can still recall the way I felt in that moment. I kept looking into the rearview mirror.  Each time I did, he did the same thing. I was so upset by this. 

Even as adults, it is easy to make other people's anger, hurtful comments  and inconsiderate behavior strictly about us. We try to get into their heads, thinking what did I ever do to deserve this? This can cause a tremendous amount of  undue suffering. Unless the person behaves rationally and offers a reasonable explanation, we can never be sure of what they are thinking or feeling.  And why did I continue to look back?

I suspect we all look back much longer than we really need to. We give so much weight to what other people think of us. We want to be recognized. We want them to see all the good that is in us. And when they fail to see the real us, this bothers us. Then we continue to replay their hurtful words and comments and hold on to the painful situation for much longer than we have to. How do we truly let go and move on? How do we let go of other people's opinions and not lose important aspects of ourselves in the process? 

It begins with a decision to care more about who we really are rather than what others think about us. We all want to live a life that matters. But whose life is this?  How you live your life should matter most to you. 

This is not a call to be more self-absorbed. It is to be real and authentic to all that is good within you. It is to know that you are a beautiful creation in your own right.  It is to walk with deliberate confidence and share your life in a manner that feels right for you.

As the great philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."  Like any worthy achievement, it takes practice.  But the more you work at being yourself, the easier it becomes.