Retired Family Court Judge Robert W. Langlois, special guest on this week's Talking About Divorce show on NewsRadio 580/94.9, WTAG, says preparation is the key to a quick and "appropriate" resolution of divorce and family law matters.

Divorce and child custody proceedings should not be viewed as contests to be won, said retired Family Court Judge Robert W. Langlois. “No one gets a gold star in the Probate and Family Court.”

However the key to getting through the divorce process “quickly and appropriately” is to be thoroughly prepared, Judge Langlois said. This includes gathering income tax returns, bank statements and other financial records; preparing the financial statement, which he called “the single most important document used by the court;” and completing the child support guidelines worksheet. (Both of these forms and others are available on the Massachusetts Probate & Family Court website.)

“There is no substitute for preparation,” said Judge Langlois. “Get your books and papers in order. Be prepared when you go to court. … If you’re not prepared, it’s more likely than not to cause a lot of problems.”

These are among the suggestions Judge Langlois offered while appearing as the special guest on this week’s edition of Talking About Divorce, a weekly radio talk show hosted by Attorney Irwin Pollack. The show is broadcast live each Sunday from noon to 1 p.m. on NewsRadio 580/94.9, WTAG.

Now in private practice, Judge Langlois served as a judge for 15 years, including being appointed as First Justice of both the Middlesex and Norfolk Probate and Family Courts. Asked why he became a judge, he said “I wanted to help people with families. And I hope that every day I was on the bench, I did the best in that regard.”

During the show, Judge Langlois fielded questions ranging from out-of-state visitation, to dealing with an emotionally abusive spouse, to obtaining parenting plans. He stressed that judges notice when parents seek “custody” of a child simply as a way to get child support from the other parent. “If what your concern is not so much the children, and the children spending time with each of their appropriate parents, the court will notice that in a heartbeat and that does not go well.”

He also dislikes the term visitation, saying: “You don’t visit your children. You visit people in a hospital. You visit people in jail. You spend time with your children. That’s the parenting plan.”

It’s also important for both parents to work out a parenting plan that is in the best interests of the children, Judge Langlois said. “Be reasonable. Be open to the other side’s concerns. Presumably both parents love their children and want to spend time with them. This is not a contest where somebody winds up with a gold star.”

Attorney Pollack asked the judge what were the easiest and most difficult cases he handled during his tenure on the bench.

“I think the most difficult cases for any judge … is when there are allegations of sexual abuse of a child,” Judge Langlois replied. “Depending upon how that plays out, if for whatever reason, despite all the efforts of the court … on occasion, a decision is made that is not correct, then you have either a child who is still potentially being subjected to sexual abuse, if there was a finding that was the child was not sexually abused, or you have a parent, and what could be an innocent parent, who would be essentially frozen out of the child’s life. Both of those are just tragic.”

The easiest cases, he said, are those that do not involve children, such as a couple who has been married for a few years and decide to part ways. He said a fellow judge refers to these as “a long date that was interrupted by a piece of paper.” In those cases, he said, “You just separate the parties, let them go on their way, and better luck the next time.”

About Judge Robert W. Langlois:

The Honorable Robert W. Langlois served for 15 years as a justice of the Massachusetts Trial Court, including being appointed as First Justice of both the Middlesex and Norfolk Probate and Family Courts. He retired from the bench in 2011. He since has returned to private practice, and now focuses on Alternative Dispute Resolution services, including mediation, conciliation and private adjudication.

About Attorney Irwin Pollack

Attorney Irwin Pollack is Founder and Lead Attorney of Pollack Law Group, P.C., one of the region’s largest divorce and family law practices. Based in Southborough, MA, the firm also maintains offices across Massachusetts and throughout New England. He also is host of Talking About Divorce, as well as Co-Parenting After Divorce, a feature heard each weekend on WBZ NewsRadio 1030.

Talking About Divorce is broadcast live each Sunday from noon to 1 p.m. on NewsRadio 580 AM and 94.9 FM, WTAG, iHeartRadio’s flagship station in Paxton, MA. Recordings of each show also can be found on www.TalkingAboutDivorce.com.