Mansfield Mothers' Club: Hand Sanitizer Generation

By Kate Flinn

Recently a friend posted a question on Facebook about whether or not she should get a balance bike for her 3-year-old sons before they get real bikes.  I was baffled because I had no idea what a balance bike was, and I also had a minute of panic because I didn’t know I should be prepping my kid at age 3 to learn how to ride her bike. The more I thought about it, the wheels in my head (no pun intended) started turning. Why does our generation of parents add extra steps and transitions to everything?  

We convert cribs to toddler beds before letting kids sleep in a “big kid” bed. There are eight million different strollers on the market, so if you research ahead of time you could drive yourself insane. When I walked into Babies R Us for the first time, I took one look at the wall of assorted binkies, nipples and bottles, and I walked out of the store and had a meltdown in my car over the sheer volume of choices. At what point do we stop crazy researching everything and just leave well enough alone to keep things simple?

I am a pretty liberal girl, and have always thought of myself as a supporter of progress. I am a huge fan of technology (yes, my daughter knew how to use my iPhone before she turned 2) and if it weren’t for the Internet, my closet would be pretty bare. I have realized, though, I am actually a bit more conservative than I thought when stepping into the parenting arena.

It seemed to work for our parents, didn’t it? They will argue that technology is the problem, but I do not agree. I gave it a good long think, considered my own upbringing and finally came to the opinion that maybe the real issue is we don’t want to see our children face adversity – or to fail.

What happened between the elder generation of parenting and ours? When did we decide that we could control every situation? When did we decide that we could control everything in our kids’ lives so they won’t get sick and/or fail? I affectionately refer to our children as the “hand sanitizer generation” because we are teaching them that they can prevent things with this magic solution. And why, oh why, do some places not keep score during kids’ sporting events anymore?

Technology is not the problem, WE are. We are so overprotective of our children that we do everything we can, including adding extra transitions so that things, like riding a bike, will come easier for them.  

My question for all of you is this: Are we really helping our children?  My opinion is no. We forget that children learn and build confidence from experiencing failure.  When you fall off a bike, you learn to pick yourself up and keep trying different strategies to learn how to ride. In the game of life, you win some and you lose some.  Sporting events are like life: it’s a let down when to lose, and even more heart-breaking when your child is upset because of it. When you pick yourself up and figure out what you did wrong, you can learn from the mistakes you made and hopefully use it as motivation to improve your game.

Raising a generation of kids who don’t know how to fail will result in never knowing how to face real adversity when they leave our homes to enter the “real” world and job force. They will not develop the necessary coping skills needed to deal with disappointment and, to be frank, life.

So no offense to anyone who has bought a balance bike, uses hand sanitizer, or toddler beds. (I am guilty of being a “hand sanitizer” parent, and I will probably follow suit and get a balance bike for my kids.) But if I can leave you with one message, it is this: if when your children are learning to ride and they fall off their bikes, if you let them get up and brush themselves off on their own, they will be okay and they will eventually learn how to ride.

What are you thoughts? Does it depend on the personality of your child? What are some areas where you think “transitioning” is appropriate?

Kate Flinn is a member of The Mansfield Mothers' Club, a non-profit organization aimed at providing support for local parents. For more information visit http://mansfieldmothersclub.com, email mansfieldmothersclub@gmail.com or write to Mansfield Mothers' Club, P.O. Box 831, Mansfield, MA 02048.