Celebrating an year of Fatherhood

Celebrating an year of fatherhood

Where do I start or should I say how do I start? Actually, the question is not about the where and when and the how and the likes of it. It all starts off wonderfully with celebrations all over, but when it actually starts; meaning when the baby actually pops out, frantic is the right word to describe the days, sorry months, oops years ahead. Yes, it does, ask me, a father of a 1 year old. Not to mention, the then arriving baby, was giving subtle hints about how to take care of him, when to attend to him, when to feed him, which by the way is 24/7, just in case if you are wondering and how do I know this – courtesy – my wife. Sorry, I am still pondering over the when’s and the how’s.

Any baby is often referred to as a form of godliness, and they should be. They change your world in a way that it is very hard to describe. If I were to put it in much simpler English, I would classify all men as pre baby Men Vs Post baby men. Who wins, hands down, it is the post baby men. I mean, really, come to think of it, what is that a Post baby Man can do, or should you ask, what is it that a post baby Man cannot do. Well put, I am actually patting on my back for the positivity laced question. Yes, the post baby man is close to a super hero. Do you need proofs? Let me get into the details!

Alright here you go, the first and foremost job that a “pre-ost” (Pre mind, but Post body) baby man is subjected to is to change the baby’s first soiled diaper. Really, you are subjecting a man to a situation that most certainly is not him. Why, just ask him how he was in pre baby man days about how well he took care of himself. Ask about what he did when he realized that his under garments needed a wash and there aren’t any fresher ones. Yes, you guessed it right. He wore it from inside out. Well technically, that is fresh to him as the skin really didn’t touch the other side of the cloth. And now he is subjected to changing diapers. And how does he do it, he comes out with flying colors. He becomes an expert right after changing the first diaper and in the process he realizes and self learns that wearing an undergarment from inside out is actually unhygienic. Just like how a diaper can’t be worn from inside out.

The next proof is in the form of sleep. This one deserves a couple of extra brownie points. Surely, a man who could, so easily, miss one of the days in a weekend is subjected to almost 24 hours of being awake. You read it right, you see, when a Pre-Baby man starts his weekend on Friday, he is usually having two or more things in mind; how differently could he drink that weekend to make it extra memorable or extra forgetful and how not to puke and how not to think low of alcohol after the puking part and how not to make another promise of “I am not going to drink again, never ever, in my life”. And if he decided to spend his time in a night club, all he is thinking is “I am going to show it to all the ladies what it is to be like a real man”. So Friday is Kaput in all this revelry and wake up Sunday morning, he is looking to having his Saturday night’s dinner. You get it right! So after the baby is born, the “pre-ost” baby man (I actually started to like the sounding of “baby man” that I decided to call the post baby man, just a baby man) is not only subject to changing diapers, but also made to stay awake for extended hours. And in the process he realizes and self learns that there is a day in between Friday and Sunday which is called a Saturday.

The next proof is in the form of day care. When it starts, the word frantic achieves a whole new meaning. The baby man (I told you, I am not going to let go of this word), who is a much better and an organized man who is used to labor (not the other labor) till that point is now subjected to superior levels of exertion. Actually, I’d like to get into the when and the how part and I want to make it a little interactive

Q) When did the kid wake up?

A) 5 ish in the morning

Q) How do you know the time of his waking up?

A) It’s a two part answer;

               -- He hit me so hard on my neck that I had to wake up from the sweetest dreams of all I was having about the girl, I used to, hmmm hmmm, ok back to reality. The reality was usually hovering between 5 to 5.30 am in the morning

                -- When he held onto to good chunk of my hair and plucked most of it, I had to wake up from the sweetest dreams of all I was having about the girl, I used to go out with on a bike, and when I was trying to ki..., hmmm hmmm, ok back to reality. The reality was usually hovering between 5 to 5.30 am in the morning

Q) Who readies the baby for the day care?

A) The baby man, of course. The baby man who usually was supporting the global warming in whatever little way he could, by not taking bath’s on the usual Saturday that he thought that did not exist, and one of the lucky week days is now subjected to getting the baby ready.

Ready, in every sense, right from making sure that the baby has a bowel moment to changing the diaper to warming the milk to filling up the water and making sure it is of the right temperature. And by the time the bathing is done, the baby man who is half bathed, thanks to the baby, is so tired, that he doesn’t really care about if he drenching the carpet or the bed or whatever. And when you are just about to put him in the car seat the aroma that reaches and tells you to change his soiled diaper is probably the last leg of morning readiness process. Let me get into another Q and A session

Q) What is it that most pregnant women have in the early stages of pregnancy that is experienced by men after the baby starts going to the day care?

A) Morning sickness

Dropping him off at the day care, I mean the baby, would sort of relieve the franticness to an extent but also saddens him when the baby sheds a few tears and doesn't want to let go of you. It strikes new emotions in the baby man that he so far has never experienced.

And in all this, the baby turns an year old and the baby man is wondering how the year actually passed by. Irrespective of the number of diapers he changed, and, let me be a little realistic now and say irrespective of the number of times he accidentally touched the baby’s poop, because changing the diaper has more than just changing the diaper to it. And the countless sleep nights and the countless mornings he was dragged to reality, the man a.k.a the dad (yeah, usually that’s the time they start uttering the word dad) is so happy about all his accomplishments.

The dad is now a changed man. In the process of bringing up the child, he not only self learns about cleanliness, orderliness, existence of a day called Saturday, how to be giving, pampering, sober, but also learns to be an effective manager. Ask me how I manage it, I ll be glad to tell you.

He now manages to have an aromatic Pasta and also attend to an equally aromatic diaper at the same time. 

He now manages to successfully wipe off the baby’s nose boogers to his own clothes and still manage to be in the same clothes without even feeling the need to change

He now manages to somehow make the baby “Go, do the big job, early in the morning so that he doesn't get pooped on while bathing”

He now manages to not care about the poop that gets smeared on his body, just like how the cream cheese is smeared on a bagel!

He now manages to catch sleep with an open eye

And the list continues….But at the end of the day; he is a happy and completed man. Honey! Are you ready for the next one, I am 35 already!!!!

PS: Due credits to the better half, extensive usage of diaper may sound offensive to some, parts of it are fictitious.