Does Anyone Else Feel This Torn In Two - A Poem

I convince myself I
really don’t mind that the trees are still without leaves.
“I can see more sky through them”, I say
But inside I long for the lush green.
Bright pink cherry blossoms.
Plump citrus and slippery avocados.
to the land where I see my son extending towards man-
chopping firewood and whittling daggers from sticks.
I think of the many of us who live this way,
criss-crossing island life with other realities, love for other places, people. Parts of ourselves.
I wonder does anyone else feel this torn in two?
The wind up in Chilmark yells to me, “Go to the water!”
So I do.
I push through the thick beach grass
I catch a breathtaking view of red clay cliffs.
Rolling waves of the Eastern shoreline.
I close my eyes and start spinning around as fast as I can
begging for a sign.
when I open my eyes again will I be shown?
Which way is home.