What The Brits Owe Us: A Bill Of Lading For Grey’s Raid Of September 1778

Snap on your green accounting shades: We're talkin' 10,574 Island sheep and over 300 head of cattle. We’ll hafta crunch some numbers before we furnish a figure but, let’s just say, if those stinkin’ English had come up with the cheddar way back when, this would never be necessary.

Only thing is, if the Chancellor of the Exchequer does square the account with Martha’s Vineyard for its old vig from the Revolutionary War, WITH INTEREST, well then, the good ol’ U.K. will be the New Greece.

President Clinton could have sorted this stuff out. Not while he was in office, but a couple of years back when he played golf with Prince Andrew at Farm Neck.

First, the original event:

It’s early September 1778, and American Rebels are striving to work with French forces who “danced” around the English fleet rather than fighting it. Accusations of French “cowardice” fly fast and loose and, if French fries were in general circ in the Colonies, they would have been renamed Freedom Fries 274 years ahead of schedule.

Okay, so the English navy goes spoiling for a fight with no one to battle! In a fit of pique, troops burn the living daylights out of New Bedford. They torch warehouses of rum, sugar and molasses – man! that must have smelled divine!, like one big flaming cookie! – but it sends a signal to New England seaports: Any navy that incinerates sugar products is bad news!

Where next? Well, they futz around Quick’s Hole, and get caught in a storm, but after that, the navy heads due south to Martha’s Vineyard.

Imagine this armada gliding into our bay; 11 warships and 20 troop transports (and we’re talkin’ old-timey two-and-three-masted schooners like Johnny Depp’s big old sea whip in Carrots of the Pirabian).

Thing is, the English troops are running out of food supplies. War, above all, is about stealing; so soldiers under the command of one General Charles Grey sail into Holmes Hole, the original Vineyard Haven, with plunder on their minds.

The general rows ashore from his flagship, the H.M.S. Carisfort. He meets with Vineyard officials. He shows a little skin, flexes some muscles, points to his battery of cannons, and airily waves to some 43,000 troops on and off the vessels, and in the general vicinity.

Then he demands an immediate hand-over of “oxon and sheep” – no one could spell in those times.

Grey gives Islanders until 2 p.m. the following day to herd all beasts (nowadays known as “sentient beings”) to his ships, not only from down Island towns, but from Gay Head and Chilmark.

The exodus of virtually all livestock on Martha’s Vineyard is accomplished, thousands of sheep and hundreds of cows, herded into the field alongside Bass Creek, a point on the map now known as Five Corners.

And we think it’s crowded today!

A local named Beriah Norton has a background of negotiating with the English and understanding their kooky accents. He’s appointed to meet with General Grey on the docks. Mr. Norton capitulates right away, directing all Island farmers to herd their animals to Holmes Hole.

And yet the crucial part of the deal is clear: The Brits would be reimbursing Vineyarders for their property; just ship the invoice to HQ in New York, okay, blokes? you have the postage, right-o?

This spares MV from the stigma of sleeping with the enemy. It's a straightforward business transaction although, in hindsight, Beriah should have insisted on some paper; a good hefty deposit to show good faith. All the same, this master of diplomacy is able to sell the exchange to fellow Islanders with the assurance they will be compensated.

He also buys the Brooklyn Bridge!

And takes a wooden nickel!

Plus he orders a line of Fuller Brush mops and sponges that come with a free bucket!

The English are slow to write a cheque. Over the years, Beriah Norton, racked with guilt over his unwitting part in the outrageous rip-off (which for years causes terrible deprivation on Island), spends the rest his life traveling to New York and London – at his own expense! – to wring a few tuppence out of those sore losers.

A few members of Parliament agree to dispense 3000 pounds, and they actually, eventually, put it in the mail. A debt of 4000 pounds remains to this day.

Let’s be sports about this and waive the interest as well as income forfeited on fleece production over the years. Because we’re easy-going sorts, we’ll also overlook the appropriation of firearms and monies seized September 11, 1778 at the courthouse in Edgartown.

Let’s bottom-line it to the loss of livestock. Today a sheep may be purchased for $250, a cow for a whopping $1,150 per head. Arrears in today’s market value:

Britain owe Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts:

$3,076,000 or . . .

1,966,700 in pounds sterling by the latest Rands Exchange of US dollars to UK pounds.

Pay up, dudes, or next time one of your princes, in one of our Island golf courses, with one of our presidents, will have hell to pay. He may even have to dip into his own pocket.

The meter is running. In a year from now we’ll start charging interest.