Medway Resident Kirsten DeSorbo & Family Participate in the RESOLVE New England Walk of Hope for the Infertility Community

On Sunday, September 18, hundreds of men and women will be joining RESOLVE New England and RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association for the second annual Walk of Hope at the Endicott Estate in Dedham. Both organizations are nonprofits dedicated to education, support and advocacy for people living with infertility who are trying to build their families.

The Walk of Hope is the groups’ signature fundraising event: one morning to walk one mile to unite one community. The Walk of Hope recognizes the many ways in which families are built, supports local support services and programs for the 312,000 women and men living with infertility in New England, and raises public understanding of how the disease of infertility impacts families.

Kirsten Reitter DeSorbo of Medway is the Operations Director of RESOLVE New England. In her own words, she expresses why she is walking and what the Walk means to her and her family.

“A few days following our second miscarriage, my family and I walked to our local coffee shop to enjoy a Sunday morning treat. I had just spent the past few days doing my best to parent our two and a half-year-old daughter when all I wanted to do was retreat under my covers and cry and cry and cry. This, again? Are you kidding me? The first one, just five months prior, had been a doozy. A long, drawn-out nightmare complete with medical complications, only to end up with an emergency D&C. Good times.

My husband, Matt, and I needed to cheer ourselves up and revel in the miracles we already had – each other; our daughter, Olive; and her four-pawed brother, Murray.

We started talking with a mom at the table next to us, who was with her infant son. We exchanged pleasantries about chubby babies, silly mutts, and fall in New England. I felt the misery of our recent loss begin to fade. And then it came – the question that would become almost like an infamous chorus line throughout our struggle with unexplained secondary infertility: “So, are you going to have a second?”

Fade to black. Fade to me, sobbing in a Starbucks bathroom, plagued by my self-inflicted sabotage: “Sensitive much? Why do you let that get to you? Good God. Put on your big girl panties and GET OVER IT ALREADY. It’s just a simple question.” I was desperate for answers. I was desperate to get off this hormone-fueled roller coaster of hope and despair and for our family to feel complete.

Different versions of this scene would play out often throughout the next two years. During this time, we found that many well-meaning people have no idea how hard it can be to have a healthy baby. We learned that miscarriages, while common, can be complicated, painful and expensive. We slogged through unproductive appointments with our infertility doctor (“something-is wrong-but-nothing-is-broken” type stuff). We managed instead of celebrated holidays. We got schooled in grief like what not to say and how to sit with pain – our own and others. On one hand, we felt blessed to have our happy and healthy Olive, and on the other, we felt broken by the multiple losses. We were more aware than most that scores of people would be ecstatic to just have one child. We felt immense guilt about that.

If someone had told me, “Listen, you’re going to have another child, but you’re going to have to go to Hell and back to get her,” I would’ve been like, “Okay, Lucifer. Bring it.” But, it’s the not knowing that almost kills you. I still don’t have an answer for the pain and struggle we went through. I don’t think I ever will.

So, I’m going to walk in solidarity for those struggling with infertility that are desperate for answers, desperate for just one tiny glimpse into their future. I’m going to walk in solidarity for those who have (or are currently) coming unglued in a public place due to a misinformed yet well-meaning question. I’m going to walk for my Murray (2002-2014), who never left me alone in my grief. I’m going to walk with Matt and Olive, the ones who stood by me and had my back through it all. And lastly, I’m going to walk with my second daughter, Mavis, who defied all odds, and put my heart back together again.”

The New England Walk of Hope is looking for walkers and volunteers for this important, inspirational and fun event. If you or someone you know is part of the 1 in 8 who suffer from the disease of infertility, please consider joining us on September 18. For more information, visit www.resolve.org/newenglandwalk or www.resolvenewengland.org.

I hope you’ll come join us!