Should I Give My Child an Allowance?

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of local parents takes your questions, gives advice and shares solutions.

Today, we take on the question of how much is appropriate to give a child as an allowance? Grab a cup of coffee and check out what our panel of local parents has to say. 

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Maryann Murray: My husband and I do not give our children monetary allowances at this stage. We actually go the other way with a daily chore chart for the kids, with our names on it as well. The chores are age appropriate, like let the dogs in/out, feed the dogs, help set/clean the dinner table, or help mommy or daddy cook dinner. 

We also have a system in the morning that we call "securing" their rooms, which basically means picking up so that there is nothing on the floor, like stuffed animals or books they read in bed the night before or pajamas, and they make their bed as best as they can. Our 3-year-old really can't, but we just ask him to put the covers on the bed so they are not on the floor. This is a huge help for me when I vacuum. 

We have a picture chart that I went over with them and it is hanging on the wall outside their rooms. It just makes it easier. Instead of nagging them in the morning, we simply ask, Did you "secure" your room? 

We do, however, have an allowance chart (I am a huge chart person; can you all tell?) that the boys will earn stars each day. They will be rewarded with something at the end of the week, like Friday night movie night, or ice cream at Jordan's or Ryer's. They earn the stars by helping their brothers or doing something without being told. 

Lindsay Barnes-Felix: In our home, with kids ages 10, 7 and 3, we do not nor ever have given our children an "allowance.” My husband and I do not believe in a reward system that pays our children to do a chore, but rather that they help us when we ask them to help clean up, keep their room clean, empty the dishwasher if it needs to be emptied, or take the trash out. We have never had any issues with our children not taking pride in helping to do anything, and that alone seems to be enough for them. 

We have come to the point that if someone walks by something that needs to be addressed, my kids actually stop and address it. We are also fortunate that we have taught our kids from Day 1 that it's fun to make a mess, but we clean up the mess we just made before we make another fun mess, and it has stuck with them.   

My kids have and always have had access to money if they need it, so bringing an allowance to our home is unnecessary. They don't need to stop and ask for money; rather, if they are going somewhere or doing something that they need money for, they simply grab money from their piggy bank or have gift cards they can always use. 

Also, my first-grader and fifth-grader have their own bank accounts and are able to transfer money onto a Visa gift card, allowing them to have access to their money and learn how to manage it. Every week, they transfer money into their 529 college funds, they transfer money into a savings account and they even make a cash withdrawal if they need to. 

Where do the gift cards and money come from? Well, they know that their father works vigorously to provide for them and they don't and won't work until they have to; therefore we don't "pay them an allowance.” They are kids and need to remain as kids as long as possible. They have their entire adult lives to worry about obtaining money and everything else that comes with being an adult! We utilize the tools to help teach them to be prepared for the future but honestly, with birthdays and holidays, our kids have more spending money then us! 

Kat Lynch: It's great to hear the different ways each family approaches this. Reading what Lindsay and Maryann wrote, I liked seeing how you've worked with your kids' temperaments as well as your own priorities, and developed ways to teach them about the responsibilities and rewards of being part of your respective families.

What we've started doing with Miles is giving him $1 each day to put in his piggy bank. This money isn't tied to chores or other goals, and it's his to use or save as he sees fit. The deal is that - with the exception of birthday gifts, random toys from nana and grandpa, etc - any toys must come from his saved money. It has helped reduce his frustration immensely, because he feels like he can make the choice and understands what "enough money" and "not enough money" means in concrete terms. And it's been a great tool for us to teach him about delaying gratification and passing up small things in order to save up for a larger/nicer thing he'll enjoy more. (Not to mention the math lessons!)

He's subsequently asked us how he can earn more money. So we named some household chores above and beyond the routine things he's expected to do to earn additional money, such as help me clean and wipe down the inside of the refrigerator, for example. He really gets a sense of accomplishment from these tasks.

That's where we are at 4.5 years old. I have a feeling that (like all things with kids) it will evolve and change as we go along!

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For more insights on this topic, ParentDish has a discussion about children and allowances.

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Do you have a parenting question you would like addressed? E-mail editor Matt Bashalany at matthew.bashalany@patch.com.