Who Needs A Divorce Coach?

So, what does a divorce coach actually do for clients?

To best answer this, let’s break this down into three stages: coaching before, during or after a divorce.

Who needs a divorce coach before they have even decided to get a divorce? Many clients come to me before deciding to divorce for different though equally important reasons.

Some clients use coaching to learn more about how transitioning out of a marriage might impact their family. For instance, if you are considering separating and are wondering how it can affect your family’s daily life, or you are wondering what moving to a new home might be like emotionally and psychologically for your children and you, or if you have questions about how ending the marriage might initially impact your relationships with the children, your parents, your friends, etc., then coaching might be helpful.

Clients who want to learn how to talk with children or other family members about transitioning their marriage can use the help of a divorce coach.  Clients and a coach work together on the "what, when and where" of how to talk with family members about difficult topics. Taking some time to explore, identify, and sometimes even rehearse what you want to say can make the conversation flow better, lessen the potential negative impacts, and make these changes easier to live through for all of you.

Another reason to speak with a divorce coach beforehand is to get the facts about what the options are for divorcing and to figure out which kind of divorce process might work best for you.

Now, since I am not an attorney, I don’t talk with clients about the legal aspects of divorce, but I do focus on how the different options for transitioning might impact clients’ lives and their children’s lives.

We might talk about what it is like to go through the process step by step, or what the potential effects on the family might be, or how to best plan for a divorce before deciding to move forward. Taking the time to have conversations about what might lie ahead can make things easier for everyone, moving forward.

Who needs a divorce coach during the divorce process? Even though you both may have already figured out how you would like to get divorced and even if you have hired attorneys or a mediator, a divorce coach can help you move more effectively and gently through the process.  

With the help of a divorce coach, clients can learn new ways to communicate and ask for what they really want or need. Keep in mind that divorce can be costly both in terms of the emotional demands it places on each of you as well as the time and money you must devote toward addressing all of the issues. Finding "your voice" sooner rather than later can lead to better outcomes.

Keep in mind that if you do have children together, divorce will not end your relationship, it will just change it and shift your focus to the business of co-parenting your children together.

A divorce coach can help you resolve important family-oriented issues that you may not see eye to eye on, such as: How can we make pick up and drop off easier for everyone involved, what can we do about the different rules at different houses, when do we talk to the children about going to a different school, and at what point is it appropriate to introduce the person I am dating to the kids? Talking about these kinds of issues and others in a different way, with the help of a coach, can lead the two of you to having more successful conversations on your own in the future.

Who needs a divorce coach after the divorce process? A divorce coach can help you to smooth out some of the rough edges that may be bothering you even after the divorce process is over.

Sometimes, the parenting plan needs some tweaking over time as the ideas you both thought made sense are not quite working out as you hoped they would. Sometimes, despite lots of planning and hard work, the procedures you have put in place for drop offs and pick-ups, celebrating the holidays, or covering school events didn’t quite lead to a workable plan for everyone. A coach can help you to have productive conversations together that can lead you to more practical or reasonable solutions for co-parenting your children.

Also, as time passes after your divorce, you will notice that your children’s needs are changing. Perhaps the weekly sleep-over that used to work well when your daughter was 10, may not be quite so appealing to her now that she is 14. Or the kids might be fighting more at your house and you’re not quite sure what to do about that. Or, some of the points in your parenting plan just haven’t stood up well to time. These are all issues where having a divorce coach on board can really help.

So, do you need a divorce coach?

Well, if you could use some new ideas about decision making, communicating more effectively, or working better together to solve family problems before, during, or after your divorce then it just might be worth a try.