"If there is a loss in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down from the panels above your seat. Place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally. Be sure to secure your own mask before assisting others."
We all know that speech by heart, don't we? I have no doubt that every mother out there has a visceral understanding of this -- Save Yourself First - and would secure her own mask first in order to secure her child's.
But every day life is different from a life-threatening emergency. I work with mothers who in every day life may be running too short on oxygen while racing between their children's pick-up times, their offices, the dry cleaner, and the grocery store. Mothers who say "Yes" to committees, and projects, and favors even though they really are desperate to say "No." Moms who go without haircuts for a year. Mothers who don't go to the dentist for several years (and believe me, I am living this out every day, with a dental treatment plan that will take as long to complete as the years I went without dental care). Mothers who haven't had a physical since their 6-week postpartum visit, but they gave birth 4 years ago. Moms who are tired. Moms who doubt themselves because they betray themselves every day in order to give some piece of themselves to everyone and everything.
Self-care is not a foreign concept. We set up a date with a friend, choose a Sunday movie, plan on attending a workshop. But does any of this sound familiar?
- "I'm too tired."
- "Next time."
- "My husband/spouse/partner had a really tough day/week/time, and I just shouldn't go through with my plans. It's not fair. Besides, he doesn't really get time off either."
- "I honestly don't know where to go or what to do, it has been so long since I thought about what I like."
Perhaps self-care starts with the little things that may be physical and luxurious in nature -- pedicures, facials, a 10-pack of sessions with a personal trainer, Girls' Night Out.
But the transformative nature of self-care is that it can become a little less indulgent as it reaches a deeper level - prioritizing time, saying no to things that drain energy from the important and meaningful things you'd rather say yes to, silencing the little but loud voice inside your brain hat tells you you're not doing enough and what you are doing you're not doing well. Imagine rekindling a creative outlet or rediscovering a sense of adventure. Feeling alive. Feeling excited. Feeling rejuvenated.
Take a big breath, Mom, and save yourself first. Everybody wins.
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Maria is the owner of A Mom Is Born, Doula Services and Life Coaching for Mothers. You can read more of her blog and about her work here: www.AMomIsBorn.com. Her next Personal Renewal Group for Moms, "A Mom Is RE-Born" begins on Sept 18th for 12 weeks, and focuses on Mothers, self-care, and self-compassion, all without GUILT! To learn more and register, see: http://www.amomisborn.com/Personal-Renewal-Groups.html