Character by Association

An open letter to my best friend:

I read a Japanese proverb today, "when the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends," and couldn't stop thinking what a difference you and your friendship have made in my life. It seems only yesterday when we met though it was so long ago I had hair on the top of my head, I was very single and wasn't really thinking about the future.

When we met, I didn't think we were going to develop a friendship that was going to last this long. We were simply too different, you had your own path to follow and me, well, I really didn't have much of an idea what path I was on let alone where it was heading. Our friendship had a few stalled starts because that's sometimes how life happens. Building friendship - true friendship at least - is something we had to work at.

Over the years our friendship has developed such that trust is implicit, communication is easy and we've discovered a great many things that we share an interest in. All the things a true friendship is supposed to be. At some point it's good to have a friendship where the hard work is done and you can really enjoy just being friends and I'm grateful we've reached that point. Sure, there are always things to do to make sure the friendship doesn't become stale, but that becomes less and less of an effort over time.

The benefit of being associated with you isn't that I can publicly claim you as a friend, it isn't that you have a pick-up truck I can borrow and it isn't that you host great football parties. It's that you help make me a better person as I look to you for inspiration, an example of how to live my own life.

If the Japanese proverb is correct, then I am deeply thankful for character by association. I know you are regarded in the highest esteem personally and professionally, have an extremely positive outlook on life, are a great mediator with an even-keeled personality, and possesses an unimpeachable work ethic. I am fortunate that by this association, people might look at me a little differently (and hopefully a bit more forgiving of my personality flaws) because of how they view your character.

I know that life is especially difficult for you right now, but I can say with certainty it's not impossible - something I learned from you that I wanted to remind you of.  I'm thankful that one of the most important lessons I've learned from you is how to put my own need for support off to the side to devote support to someone else. I hope that I'm able to provide the same level of support, care and understanding that you've shown me over the years to help you get through the rough times. It's your character to look on the brighter side of things, to look past the difficulties to the goal.  I'm hoping to remind you that it's your character, the true person you are, that will help get you through this.

I know things are difficult and I wish I could be there in person to help you through it all. Just know how thankful I am that you have been my best friend for all these years and I look forward to many more.

I'll be home soon, I love you Carrie Lou.