Experiencing Some Senioritis Before Heading Home

I remember the last few weeks before high school graduation where everyone was experiencing "senioritis."  Well, everyone except maybe the beautiful and brilliant Lisa Misterka who was heading to MIT. Those last few weeks of skipping class, studying only when we had to and generally goofing off were innocent and a part of the American high school student experience.

Now that I am in the last weeks of this deployment, those thoughts of senioritis and the difference here in Afghanistan is foremost on my mind. The end is in sight and we are working hard to pack and transition gear, information and relationships we've built up over the past year. I have met a number of inspirational people and feel content that the work I've done has made some small difference in the life of the average Afghan. Yet the excitement coming home also brings the realization that the two most dangerous times for any soldier are the first 30 days and the last 30 days. I'm now in those last 30 days.

Maybe it's because I didn't know what to expect or it was such a whirlwind when I arrived, but I am more nervous now than I've been my entire tour. Part of my anxiety stems from the fact that one of my very good friends, 1LT Derwin Williams, was killed by an IED days before he was to return home to his wife and three daughters in Chicago. His job was much different than mine, he was trained to defeat IEDs on the roadways and he was only equipped with an up-armored HUMVEE. But he was so close to being home, that fact resonates deeply with me.

The protests and riots that many of you are observing in the news may not seem like much, but for someone like me that works with the Afghan government on a near daily basis, it is quite unnerving. We've always known that there are Taliban sleeper cells embedded in the Afghan government waiting for a signal to act. The burning of the Qu'rans at Bagram Airfield seem to have given them a signal of some sort as there are too many acts of violence happening from inside "safe" zones where we've become comfortable and relaxed.

The meetings I used to attend with a sense of relative safety I now find myself jittery and ultra-focused in. More than once I've found my hand moving to my pistol I always wear with my thumb on the safety and my forefinger on the release, just in case. I'm no longer comfortable being in a room with Afghans behind me where I can't see them and where I used to stop and shake hands with visitors at the provincial and district centers, I now avoid crowds of people. There's 2 feet of snow on the range, but zeroing a weapon, regardless of how cold it is outside, is usually a good way to ensure a shot aimed is a successful shot.

There are only a few more weeks here on the ground and I am looking forward to turning in my weapons and going home. I expect it will take me a little more time to adjust when I get home this time.