The Menace Of Bullying: What Tewksbury Parents Are Saying

TEWKSBURY, MA — An informal survey of Patch readers in New England shows great concern among parents about the extent and severity of bullying their children experience in school and online. Almost nine in 10 parents said their child had been bullied at least once, and nearly half said the bullying had occurred frequently.

In Tewksbury, 15 parents responded to the anonymous survey, with just two respondents saying their children had never been bullied. One parent said bullying was so bad that her daughter asked to be home-schooled.

Tewksbury has a lengthy policy on bullying, but survey respondents had mixed reactions on its effectiveness. "They certainly don't follow them," one parent whose child is bullied sometimes said.

"Baloney," said another. "They don't live up to it."

Some parents had more positive experiences. One described them as "satisfactory and pro-active," while another praised a specific school, Dewing Elementary, for its responsiveness.

Parents left little doubt as to the consequences of unchecked bullying, saying bullying causes anxiety and dislike of school. They also reported students who report bullying experiencing retaliation, and bullies learning that there are "no consequences." One parent also reported racist and bigoted bullying, including use of racist and homophobic slurs.

"It has devastated their self-esteem and grades have plummeted. They do not go to school ready to learn when they are worried about the next bullying incident," said a parent whose child has faced frequent bullying.

"I know when my daughter is being bullied because she suddenly gets quiet and depressed doesn't want to attend school when normally she keeps a high attendance record and doesn't like to miss class class," said another parent whose child is bullied occasionally. "She's even asked to be homeschooled to avoid 'mean girls.'"

While most parents said they were aware that Tewksbury has adopted policies intended to curb or stop bullying, many believe those policies are poorly enforced -- if they are enforced at all.

"Bullies have been taught there are no real consequences and the victims have been taught that no one in authority is truly willing to stand up for them," said one.

"Adhere to the policy as written in student handbooks," that parent suggested. "Administrators cannot be afraid of bullies’ parents and need to do their job and protect ALL children before situations escalate as they too often do."

"First, admit that there is a bullying issue," said another parent. "When incidents have been reported, teachers and administrators say they haven’t noticed anything. Why not talk to the students and get their accounts? Why not believe them when they report an incident?"

Other parents urged more presence of school counselors, or police, in schools. One also called on the school community beyond just the school administration to prioritize bullying more. "Schools need to step up, but parents too," they said.

Patch has undertaken extensive coverage of the bullying issue in The Menace of Bullying: A Patch Advocacy Reporting Project.

The regional parent survey, timed to coincide with National Bullying Prevention Month in October, was posted on more than 100 Patch sites in Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Rhode Island. The survey is not scientific, but could be considered a broad indicator of parents' feelings about the seriousness of bullying in their schools and communities.

Take the Patch bullying survey

As of Tuesday, Oct. 15, over 500 parents across the region has responded to the Patch survey. The key findings were:

• Nearly 90 percent of parents said their children had been bullied at least once, and nearly half -- 47.9 percent -- said bullying had been frequent. Only 10.8 percent said their children had never been bullied.
• Bullying took many forms, from teasing and name-calling to exclusion from groups to physical harm such as punching or kicking. Nearly a third of respondents said their children had experienced some sort of physical harm.
• Bullying took many forms, from teasing and name-calling to exclusion from groups to physical harm such as punching or kicking. Nearly a third of respondents said their children had experienced some sort of physical harm.

These informal findings should be compared to statistics compiled in more scientific surveys, which note that:

• Bullying affects 1 in 3 U.S. schoolchildren (NoBully.org)
• 59 percent of U.S. students experience cyberbullying (Pew Research Center)
• 160,000 kids stay home from school every day to avoid bullies, National Association of School Psychologists

To comment on this story, email bullies@patch.com. And to learn more about bullying prevention, visit Patch partner NoBully.org.

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From the experts

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