Surrender

When most people think of surrender they think of defeat. In the practice of yoga, surrender typically means letting go of the ego and placing your faith into the divine. For me this was a very difficult practice. I used to think that I could control the outcome of what I wanted by my efforts and actions. I would repeatedly get disappointed when I didn’t exactly get what I was seeking. Many times I would place the blame on someone or something else. It wasn’t until I reached one of the lowest points in my life that I began to understand that as much as I think I’m in control, I’m not. 

 I can recall quite vividly the moment when I fully surrendered to the divine.

The preceding 18 months was a very difficult and stressful time for me. I was in a situation that kept getting worse and I felt like I was dropping deeper into this black hole with no light at the end of the tunnel. I had placed my faith in doctors who were specialists in their field and yet I was being led down a path of destruction where things were getting worse, not better. I felt completely helpless and in utter despair. I even began to accept that this was going to be my life as I knew it. On one particularly tough day, I had hit my wit’s end. I could no longer bear the weight of this burden.  I dropped onto my knees, with tears pouring from eyes, my body trembling with defeat, and cried out to God. My relationship with God was strained before then, as I turned my back to him after I lost my beloved grandfather when I was 13. Mainly because I was angry that he took away a very important person in my life without warning and life as I knew it was over. That moment of surrender gave me back my life in a much more meaningful way. 

From that day forward, the right people and information came to me, and my circumstances changed from one of despair to one of hope. Within three months, things started to fall into place. I began to see the light at the end of tunnel and every day that light gets brighter. Since then I’ve learned to do things without placing expectations. Surrendering has taught me to go with the flow of life and be open to what shows up, placing no judgment or attachment to my circumstances. 

As much as that time period was very painful, I wouldn’t change it. I believe that I had to go through that arduous experience to surrender and place my faith in the divine. Control has been replaced with letting go. Doubt has been replaced with trust. Fear has been replaced with faith. I now walk with the confidence that the divine is not only within me but that it exists in all things if we choose to see the light.

Namaste!