A Tale of Four Siblings: Local Mom Blogs About Adoption in 'Mommie or Bust'

Writing about 'infertility wars' on her new blog Mommie or Bust, Brighton Township's Amy Roach explains how she and her husband spent years struggling with heartbreak and frustration over the little blue line on the stick that never came.

Five years and months of unsuccessful fertility treatments later, the couple decided to adopt. 

After completing all the necessary paperwork and home study, Amy and Jerry Roach had prepared themselves for a long wait to find a child. Little did they know the call would come sooner than expected.

Over the next decade, they would adopt not one, but four infants from the same birth mother, raising siblings Jacob, now 10, Cameron, 9, Amanda, 6, and Ben, 4, together.

The First Call

Amy and Jerry Roach were shocked when their adoption agency, Forever Families, called to tell them they'd been selected by a woman who had just delivered a baby boy — a decision she made mere hours after giving birth.

"They said 'go get your physicals, your police clearance, all within 24 hours, and then get to the hospital with a name'," Jerry Roach recalled.

With little time to absorb the news, limited experience with infants, and no baby equipment or know-how, Amy and Jerry Roach prepared to meet their son for the first time.

“When we finally got to the hospital we were told that she had already named him,” said Amy Roach, but fate stepped in when the name picked by the birth mother and the Roaches turned out to be the same — Jacob.

“The moment I first held him was when the birth mom handed him to me,” Amy Roach said. “She said good-bye to him, she kissed him on the forehead and said, 'Here’s your new Mommy and Daddy here to meet you.' I remember feeling like, almost like, it’s not really happening.” 

The Second Call

The Roach's prayers had finally been answered and the couple was blissfully content with their little family, never considering more children. Just 13 months later, however, with another unexpected phone call, the lives of Amy and Jerry Roach would be changed once more.

The same birth mother was pregnant again, and without notice had asked Forever Families to call the Roach family two hours after the birth to see if they would adopt the infant. 

With barely a year separating the two young brothers, the Roaches were given approximately one hour to make the decision.

“Never would you imagine,” Amy Roach said. “Here we are thinking, ‘God, we’re so blessed that we have this adopted child and we’re just going to be happy with one.’ We were just blown away.”

The couple picked a name on their drive to the hospital. They chose Cameron.

Four In All

Since that morning nine years ago, the Roach family has continued to grow. With two more last-minute phone calls, Amanda and Ben joined the family.

Since the birth mother had requested that the children be together, if possible, the Roach family was at the top of the contact list for potential adoptive parents.

“They called us first every time," Amy Roach said. "They are biological siblings and that’s what every adopted child needs. They want to have the feeling they're connected.”

By the time the family received the fourth phone call, the Roaches said the decision to adopt was made with little discussion and seemed simple.

“It just felt right,” Jerry Roach said. “I just can’t imagine Ben being anywhere else.”

“You just get that feeling that your family isn’t complete yet,” Amy Roach said. “But we knew once we had Ben we were done.”

Difficult Choices

When the Roaches received a fifth phone call telling them yet another baby had arrived, choosing not to adopt was difficult. Recognizing their own limits, however, the couple declined.

Two more children, now 2 and 1, were subsequently born to the same mother and live nearby, both in another adoptive family. 

“This is the best situation,” Jerry Roach said. “We know them, they (the children) know them and they get along together.”

The Roaches, who are protective of the birth mother and her identity, also declined to discuss her decisions, saying they may not agree with her choices, but it's not their place to judge.

Mommie or Bust

Amy Roach's blog details the life of her family and their unique experience with adoption. She says the feedback she's already received is proof there is a need for people to share their adoption stories. 

The Roaches also work to ensure their children are comfortable with who they are and where they come from by keeping everything in the open and encouraging questions.

Validation for their efforts came recently when Jacob informed his parents he wanted to share his adoption with his third grade class at  in Hartland last year.

“To him, he’s like, ‘I’m adopted and this is what my family is,'” Amy Roach said. “He stood up in front of everybody and said 'I have a birth mom and a real mom'. It's just part of their story.”