Confessions of a Die Hard Golfer

“They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.” – Raymond Floyd, Professional Golfer

I did not grow up with golf. Baseball, sandlot football, basketball on asphalt courts with steel chain nets….those were my sports. Some of the kids played hockey on frozen, backyard rinks in winter and we had some pretty good games of kickball in the street in front of our house in north Toledo back in the early 60’s.  But golf?  No.  That was for the rich kids on the other side of town. Our high school had a golf team but I don’t think we were any good. I watched on TV. Palmer. Nicklaus, Trevino. They were the stars but I had little interest other than as a spectator. 

After I moved to the Detroit area in my early 20’s, I was coaxed to give the game a try by a few co-workers. It looked so easy. Put the little ball on the little tee and hit it with the funny looking club. Ah Yes! Pretty easy!

NOT.

So being one who loves a challenge I became motivated to improve my game, especially when my co-workers all had respectable skill levels. Of course being the stubborn fool, I was going to pick this game up on my own.  Lessons?  Ha! Not for me. No sir. I was convinced that practice by playing was my ticket to success. After all, if these other guys could play without lessons so could I. Of course most of them were playing since they were 10 years old and were taught by fathers and uncles. Still I was convinced I would get better by watching them swing and my biggest mistake – watching the pros on TV. 

They made it look so easy and then they would offer these TV golf tips between commercials and the actual playing. Keep your left elbow straight. Make a V with your grip and overlap the index finger on your left hand with the pinky on your right. Be sure to bend your knees slightly. Play the ball forward at the inside of your left heel, shift your weight to your right side on the takeaway, tuck your right elbow in,  and the all-time golfer’s mantra….. Keep your head down. Then there were the assorted tips on how to play down-hill lies on finely manicured fairways and flop shots out of fluffy sand traps, which by the way never existed on any of the courses I played. No I was used to concrete-hard fairways and bunkers filled with something resembling grainy, unmixed cement. The more I played the more frustrated and confused I became while seldom breaking 100 for eighteen holes.

“My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch”. - Lee Trevino

I finally gave in and took my frustrated, confused self to the local golf pro at Royal Oak Golf Club. Dick Osborne was a good teacher and he started by telling me to forget all the swing tips I learned on TV and from golf magazines as well as from my buddies. This was after taking a look at a few of my feeble swings on the practice tee and, I am sure, trying to hold back hysterical laughter. I was thankful that he too, loved a good challenge. A few simple swing thoughts and some basic mechanical corrections and I was soon hitting clean crisp shots…… on the practice range. Taking that to the course was another matter. I did show some improvement but I was still not keeping up with my playing friends. Worst of all I had become that GUY.  You know the one who curses and threw clubs because, it had to be the stupid club’s fault.  #@%&*%$@%^& I shouted while thinking to myself. I took lessons for crying out loud. I am supposed to be good by now. I had become the guy even I did not like to play with…. when it was someone else.

Then one day, while playing with my work buddies on a golf trip to Myrtle Beach in the early 90’s, I had what I now call my golf epiphany. I was having my usual up and down round – ok I was having my usual self destructing, anger filled, crappy round and I noticed that not too many guys wanted to have me in their foursome. The exact moment of my breakthrough is forever in my memory.

I had a rather easy looking shot about 90 yards from the green and using my Jack Nicklaus endorsed pitching wedge, I proceeded to thump the ground, digging a world class divot while advancing the ball approximately ten yards. A string of profanity spewed from my lips as I twirled and with all my energy, flung that wedge high into the air where it landed softly high in the branches of and old southern oak that refused to send it back down to earth.  I looked up at the metal shaft gleaming in the sunlight and realized that even Jack himself could not get my club back. With mouth open in disbelief and with much embarrassment I looked around at my fellow players who were all just shaking their heads while probably thinking What a dumb a--.

“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course--the distance between your ears. “ -Bobby Jones, legendary golfer

I humbly, and quietly I might add, finished the round while vowing to never throw a club again. Furthermore I took stock and realized that no matter how hard I practiced and played I was never going to be as good as those guys on TV. Heck I was never going to be as good as most of the guys I played with. What I did promise myself was this. If I was going to continue to play golf I would learn to enjoy the game and have fun with my friends while learning to appreciate golf course architecture and the history of the game.  Oh I still occasionally toss a club a few feet toward my bag and I sometimes quietly let out a four letter adjective directed toward myself. Old habits are hard to break. What I try not to do is behave like a jerk. I am courteous toward my playing partners and always applaud when they make a good shot or putt.

“Golf is a good walk, spoiled.” – Mark Twain

Now days I play often during our all too short Michigan summers with some old and new golfing buddies. On rare occasions I will have a round in the low to mid 80’s, which is pretty darn good for me. Mostly I shoot in the 90’s and I am OK with that as long as I remember to have fun and appreciate the game for what it is. A game.  I have also taken a few more lessons here and there which have helped a bit. Oh by the way it is also some pretty good exercise if you walk with a pull cart. Even if I take a motorized cart, I try to park as far away from my next shot as possible and drink water instead of beer while on the course. Afterward in the club lounge I may have a few pops with the guys.

For the past eight years I have also taken on the responsibility of organizing the annual Optimist Junior Golf Qualifying tournament in Royal Oak. Each spring I enjoy seeing young golfers of all skill levels playing competitive golf while learning the rules and practicing good golf etiquette.  Some of these kids are very, very good and have a chance at golf scholarships.  Boy they sure hit it a long way. Even some of the ten to twelve year olds can really play. We give the winners trophies and a chance to move on to the Optimist District event and encourage the others to keep playing and come back next year. I like to think I am giving something back to the game.

Let me add that we are very fortunate here in Royal Oak to have not one but two very player-friendly, 9 hole courses. Royal Oak Golf Club and Normandy Oaks. Some of our neighbors like Clawson, Ferndale and Hazel Park have none. We are also very lucky to have nearby Rackham in Huntington Woods – a classic old Donald Ross design that can be a challenging 18 holes.  I try to play as many different area public courses as I can, which gives me the opportunity to appreciate the different layouts and designs. For those that want to spend a lot more dough, there is no shortage of local country clubs with our very own Red Run being one of the best. Membership fees and monthly charges can be quite expensive. Personally I like the variety of the public courses, not to mention the popular “senior” rates. More golf bang for your buck is my motto.

I hope to be playing golf for many more years and to enjoy the friendships and fun times while making great memories. Every once in a while I will hit that one real good shot. The one that just feels perfect coming off the club and I will hear my buddies say “Nice shot”, and I will think to myself…. Yeah! I really can play this game.

“One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.” ~Peter Jacobsen, professional golfer and broadcaster.