Day Eight: The Gift of Time

Have you ever been guilty of making a New Year's resolution that you didn't keep? Does, "I want to spend more time with my friends and family," sound familiar, but never really happened?

The problem with resolutions is that we say them without the proper tools set up to actually help us do them. This year, if you really mean it and you want it to happen, commit your devotion to paper, and literally give that time to the person you want to spend it with.

Commitment Calendars 

Whether it's for a spouse who gets upset at the amount of work you do at home and the office, or a child that seems to have just as busy of a schedule as you, or even if it's just to remind you to take "me time," you are more likely to follow through with a commitment if you schedule it in advance.

Why should the "What if…" be receiving the majority of your time when you have people with whom you'd like to spend. You know what I'm talking about: What if works calls? What if I'm needed here? What if I completely run out of pants and can't leave the house?

This year, create a calendar for the special people in your life, and pen in (not pencil!) the times you'd like to spend with them. If you don't know a person's specific availability, write down a day that you will call them to set up a time.

This gift is very simple to create, but requires serious dedication to execute. However, if you really want to spend time, this is a great first step to making that happen. Remember, write down all the commitments you give out on one cohesive calendar to avoid double booking your days or forgetting to follow through on a call.

You can print blank calendars from Internet sites (I like www.timeanddate.com), or order custom-made calendars with personal photos for the 12 month display. Many computers also come standard with some form of calendar creation template. You can also just buy a standard calendar that suits the recipients interests.

Spouse/Partner Suggestions

• Set up every other Thursday as "date night" to spend time devoted to each other (not a friend's party, or a kid's soccer game, etc…). Even if there is only an hour or two to spare, in the minivan in your driveway, take the time to be together. 
• Have a growing list of "We should try that…" Put one a month on the calendar and finally go there. It's easy to get stuck in the ho-hum pace of familiarity, so set the date, get familiar with the idea, then do it! 

Kids Suggestions 

Warning: Kids will hold you to this. They are also less understanding than adults if you have to cancel and they have a tendency to take it personal. Tread lightly. You may find it easier to commit to a certain activity per week/month as opposed to a specific day and time, so you have more flexibility.

• Label a "Cook a Meal with Mom Week" and let them help you make one of their favorite meals or treats. This is great because you'd be cooking dinner anyway, but on their calendar it's a special time. Consider making pizzas with silly faces made out of toppings.
• Put a game night on their calendar and let them choose a favorite game to play. Actively engage and turn your cell phone off.
• Have a "Write a letter to _______" day. Sit down with you kid and jot some kind words to a favorite relative, or friend who's moved away. Maybe have them color a picture to send as well. Mail is always a pleasant surprise, and hopefully they'll receive something in return.

Kids attach easily, and may start hounding you to do these fun things every night of the week. Explain why that's not always possible and make an effort to continue to add items onto their calendars when possible ("We can't do that tonight, but let's go see when we might be able to do that again…"). This is a convenient early lesson in time management. 

Friends/Family Suggestions

• On the first of every month write, "Expect a call from [You] to schedule a lunch!" Follow through on that and remember to write down the time and date you discuss. If they don't live close enough to schedule a meet, just schedule the call. How many times have you said, "I've been meaning to call you?"
• Schedule a day on a weekend to visit your elderly parents or grandparents. They'll love being able to expect the company. If the kids can't make it, take pictures of them or examples of their latest refrigerator displays.
• Take necessary activities, like grocery shopping, and plan to do them with a fellow friend with similar needs to yours. This can make the mundane something to look forward to.

Encouragement

Everyday we remember which TV show is on and at what time, or whatever "big game" of the season is on, proving that it is possible to remember the craziest of schedules if we want it bad enough. You can do this.

A good friend of mine, Abbey Hile, once told me, "Nobody on his death bed ever said, 'I wish I had spent more time at the office.," – a quote originally said by US Senator Paul Tsongas. This is something I try to keep in perspective when balancing working for money to live my life, and maintaining the relationships that make my life worth living.