BLOG: What's Your Motivation?

Last week at Weight Watchers—in which my see-sawing weight saw that I was up a little—we talked about motivation. Where does your motivation come from?  It really got me thinking about my story. 

When I first started my Weight Watchers journey in Oct of 2008, my now 4-year old was 1. My motivation was that I wanted a sibling for him, and I didn't want to get HELLP or preeclampsia again. My doctor told me I needed to lose weight before getting pregnant. And it wasn't just a little bit—I needed to lose 100+ pounds of weight! And so, I took that step forward and two years and 116 pounds later I made goal and became a Weight Watchers lifetime member. I always kept what I wanted in front of me most ... a baby! When temptation struck, I asked myself, "What do I want more?" 99 percent of the time, it was the baby. That is powerful motivation, and it got me to my goal! 

And then, only a few months after reaching my lifetime goal, I found myself pregnant. The goal I had in front of me all along was being fulfilled ... the ultimate goal. In May of last year when I found out that that baby I had so longed to be pregnant with was likely dying, even while she grew within me, I started to eat. It was a punch to my gut, a punch to my motivation. 

And yes, I was pregnant, and pregnant people eat, but not like this....

I ate licorice, and I don't even like licorice.
I ate gelato,
and trail mix,
and muffins and donuts, and they knew my first name at Kowalski's.
I ate pie. Every Thursday after my doctors appointment, I would go and buy a half pie from Kowalskis and my husband and I would eat it.
I ate cheesecake
All I wanted was sugar, sugar, sugar!

Maybe you are disgusted by this, or maybe you identify with it. However you feel, if you've ever eaten out of emotion or known someone who has, I think you can identify with this. When I felt like all was lost, I, in turn, lost my motivation. 

As a result of my emotional eating during my pregnancy, I gained way more weight than I had originally hoped to gain, and now I find myself on a new journey—a journey to remove those post pregnancy pounds. I started Weight Watchers back in December again with 43 pounds to remove to get back to my lifetime goal weight, and I'd like to remove another 10 for good measure.  I'm currently down 18.5 pounds. It has been a slow and frustrating journey this time around. It has been a different journey. 

So that begs the question again —What is my motivation? Right now, I have no need for another baby, so it isn't that anymore. And even though I have the want to get back into my size 8 pre-pregnancy clothes—that motivation is shallow and fleeting. Maybe this is part of the reason I've struggled so much this time around, despite religiously tracking my food. I'm not sure, but the strong motivation of wanting that baby is gone, and along with it apparently my ability to lose weight consistently. 

So, what do I do about this? I have to find a new motivation. 

I take one look at my two adorable children (Photo Credit: Misty at LiveLaughLens) 

And I know what my motivation is. I'm their mom, I should be the best example I can of good health. I need to live a long time to take care of them. As Lily struggles with some medical issues I need to be as strong as I can, for her. At a healthy weight I am a better mother.

That's my motivation!
Now, what's yours?  

Read more of my story at www.fatlittlelegs.com