Mixed Emotions: Osama bin Laden is Dead

Last night, President Barack Obama addressed the nation to tell us Osama bin Laden had been killed by the U.S. in Pakistan.

For about an hour before the president's speech, Facebook and Twitter were spreading the news, and I as I waited for President Obama to walk up to the podium to confirm what we already knew, I couldn't help but think back to September 11, 2001.

I was a reporter for the WSBT, the CBS affiliate in South Bend, Ind.  That morning I was reporting from a 9-1-1 call center because it was actually National 9-1-1 Day.  I remember one of the dispatchers telling me it had been a quiet day because the weather was so nice.  And an hour later back at the station, I was thinking how right he was - the news had been incredibly slow lately. 

In that same moment, a producer told me a plane hit the World Trade Center, and I gave a little chuckle without looking up from my computer.  I thought she was joking.

"Oh my God," was all I heard her say next.  I remember looking up and seeing a wall of televisions all showing the same images from New York, and I said, "Oh my God," too. 

The next few hours were a blur.  People were coming and going, and I don't remember who was there or what was said.  I just remember the images on the screens.

We were so clueless.  What were we supposed to do?  After the Towers fell, a photographer and I drove around the empty city trying to get reaction, but no one was outside.  No one was anywhere.  And even if we put a story together, CBS was going non-stop with news so we didn't even have a chance to air the story. 

Finally, I was told to just go home and get sleep.  The next morning, Tom Halden, now a morning anchor and reporter with FOX 9 in Minneapolis, was at the anchor desk, and I was in the newsroom around 3:00.  I held up newspapers and read the headlines, and we said off-camera that we both felt like we were just as clueless as our viewers were.

I didn't cry on 9/11 or in the days after.  I became numb.  My skin grew very thick in a hurry.  Osama bin Laden took a piece of my heart along with a piece of our collective innocence, and I think we're all numb. 

And that's unfortunate, because I would like to feel elation knowing he is dead.  I would like to feel some sense of satisfaction for the men and women who were killed that day and because of that day.  But I only feel numb.

So now I wonder if I'm the only one.  How about you, Golden Valley?  What were you thinking and feeling when you first heard the news Osama bin Laden was dead?  What are you telling your children today?  What are you telling yourself?