What is depression? How you can help a loved one.

"Just think positive." "You must want to be depressed." "You're just not trying hard enough." "Don't be ridiculous." "You're just making excuses." "If you weren't so lazy..." Sound familiar? A psychiatrist at a medical conference once asked a group of colleagues to shout out the name of the illness they thought caused patients the most pain. One called out: kidney stones. Another: appendicitis. But when a third called out: depression, the room fell silent. There was agreement. Depression was the most painful illness of all. Think about it. Why is it that people suffering from cancer don't often kill themselves, but people suffering from depression often do? If someone you love has been isolating a lot and seems agitated, distant, negative or cranky, get curious, not furious. Ask them if they're having trouble sleeping or eating, or are feeling sad, hopeless, or angry for no reason. They may not tell you unless you ask, but chances are they're also worrying a lot, even though they know it's making them feel worse. Negative thinking is a symptom of depression, but it is not the cause! Depression is a serious, life-threatening illness that wreaks havoc with every system of the body. Imagine waking up feeling exhausted, while at the same time, feeling revved up with a sense of dread that's almost unbearable. Imagine being unable to nap because each time you nod off, you wake with a start, as if you've been given a shot of adrenaline. The truth is: you have. For some reason, your body chemistry has gotten out of whack and your brain is responding by producing stress hormones that cause a host of bewildering symptoms. Imagine feeling like there's a wall of a plexiglass separating you from everything and everyone you love. All the time. Day in, day out, for weeks or months on end. Imagine feeling as if faceless dread has taken over your body and is refusing to leave. Imagine that when you walk into Target, your nervous system feels like it's on fire, so that all your senses are amplified. The florescent lights are buzzing. People's conversations are too loud. Your skin feels is crawling. And the mere sight of a deshevled old woman makes you want to weep. And what makes it all worse is that nobody seems to notice but you. If you, or someone you love is experiencing any of these symptoms, know that they are symptoms of a serious illness. Nobody would ever choose to experience them. The good news is that there are many things you can do to help, but they all take time. Start by acknowledging the pain, without judging or arguing with symptoms. Encourage your loved one to get help. Research has shown that "toughing it out alone" actually makes symptoms worse. Betsy Sansby is a therapist who specializes in the treatment of depression and anxiety and has developed a number of Mindfulness practices to help people recover from and prevent future episodes of depression and anxiety. She also leads the One World Community Choir & Social Club which meets in Hopkins and is open to all.