Always a Bridesmaid

Have you heard the saying “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride”? I used to think that this was a negative statement, somehow saying that being a bridesmaid was not important. Now I look at this statement as a commentary on how, if not for the bridesmaid(s), many brides would not make it through their weddings. In other words, the “behind the scene” people, the support people. How many things in life depend on these support people, the ones who are quietly working in the background? I witnessed a bridal meltdown that was quelled by a bridesmaid’s cleverly timed interruption. Mom tried-tears, Dad tried-more tears, bridesmaid steps in and says “come with me”! A few minutes later, make-up repaired and full of smiles, bride and her bridesmaid return — passing out chocolate.

How do I equate this to caring for our loved ones? Usually there is one person who is “in charge”, that first contact person (the bride). That doesn’t mean those “working behind the scenes” (the bridesmaids) are any LESS important! Listening to a family whose loved one had just passed away, discussion and thanks were abundant for the “bride” for all she had done over the years. Fortunately, this “bride” was wise enough to know that it was only the support of “the bridesmaids” that allowed her to do all that she had done in the past few years. We can’t all be the bride in this ceremony called life.

It is SO important to share the responsibilities when caring for loved ones. Include the whole “wedding party” for this and I’m not limiting this to just immediate family. There are many resources in the community that are available to assist you with this process. Take advantage of them to be sure you are not spending your time re-inventing the wheel. Although it may not feel like it at the time, believe me, you are NOT alone  in this situation. There are an estimated 76 million Baby Boomers, according to BBHQ.com, many have at least one parent still living. While the care of both the “Boomer” and their parent is unique in each individual’s circumstances, everyone is looking for the best, most appropriate, and affordable care for the person requiring services. Others have gone before you in this search, take advantage of what they found. You’re not aboard the Starship Enterprise, about to “go where no one has gone before”.

But I will caution you. Like all smooth-running weddings—planning is essential. Assemble your wedding party early and keep everyone informed of the situation. Know who to contact for which task and above all, make sure you are okay with the idea of asking for assistance. I’ve never known a wedding to be put together single-handedly. Nor do I believe that caring for a loved one can be done on your own. Be proactive, start planning early!

Jane Murakami

Golden Years Planning

(507) 403-3875

www.goldenyearsinfo.com