Remember that “Village” that everyone talked about for raising a child? Well, don’t get rid of “them” just yet. There are many times throughout one’s lifetime when assistance becomes a necessity, not a luxury. When we were small, others fed us, kept us safe. As we got older, they made sure we learned the rules, knew how to take care of ourselves. Then when we became adults, we were the ones who offered assistance, set the rules. But with this independence we somehow lost the ability to ask for help. Now that we’ve grown up, we see it as a sign of weakness to admit that we need help. But think about a time when someone did ask for your help, was your first thought that they were weak? A loser? So why do we automatically assume that is what others will think of us if we ask for help?
We are willing to ask for help with some things, such as taking our car in for an oil change. Is that something we could do on our own? (well some of you can, I do not count myself in that group) When the kids were small a babysitter was mandatory at times simply to retain your sanity. But we were brought up with the mindset that "we take care of our own", which meant when the time came to provide for our aging parent, it was OUR JOB! But it used to be that taking care of our aging loved one meant - stopping by with dinner once or twice a week, maybe helping with a few chores. Then when they got sick, providing comfort and care for a couple of weeks till they died. People didn't really grow old in days gone by. They pretty much grew up, got sick and died. But with the advances in medicine and general knowledge of healthy living, life expectancy has nearly doubled by some estimates. Now taking care of our aging loved one could span over several YEARS instead of weeks. And yet we are still trapped by the old "taking care of our own" mindset. We feel that Mom and Dad took care of me all their lives and so now it is my turn to take care of them. Should you take care of them? ABSOLUTELY! But does that mean you need to do this all by yourself? Know when to call in your "Village".
Jane Murakami
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Golden Years Planning
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