For Their Age

Now that you’ve made it through the Holidays, you can sit back and relax, right? Or do have something that you’re trying to push to the back of your mind? Something that just won’t stay back there! Mom kept telling you that story over and over (and over and over….) just because she was excited about all the company, right? Dad wasn’t really going to eat any of that moldy food he had in the fridge, right?

Holidays are built around traditions, long established patterns of behavior. But what happens when behaviors start changing. And they will! There will come a time when Mom won’t be able to prepare the food to feed the multitudes. Dad may become agitated by all the noise and let’s admit it, the chaos that comes along with having multi-generations in the same house at the same time. Holidays are often a time when siblings (plus their kids) descend upon their parents, bearing gifts and goodwill, and if we are being honest, a little dread and a lot of guilt. Now that you have all returned to the “safety” of your own homes, take a minute to evaluate your visit. Were your folks REALLY doing great “for their age”?

I keep hearing that phrase—Great for their age. What does that really mean? Do we really mean that at a certain age it becomes okay for 3/4 of the food in the refrigerator to be covered in mold? After the age of 76 it is fine to eat only cold cereal because you no longer cook? Laundry, bathing, housekeeping, and other daily chores are over-rated so once you hit 80, just ignore them? Of course, I’m being a little extreme here but take a look back in your mind at your last visit. And be honest! Check with your siblings and get their opinion. It may be time to talk your parents about making some transitions.

The transitions need not be monumental. Small changes can reap huge benefits. If someone stopped in once or twice a week and made sure the fridge was cleaned out and “heat-up” meals were available, would that help? Or maybe once a day Meals on Wheels would be enough. Weight loss and unkempt appearance can often be indicators that some assistance is needed. Think about the appearance of the house too. While no one really expects Mom to get down on her hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor, if there are little “treats” hiding, simply waiting for a nice little rodent family to discover, something needs to change.

We can’t always be there to make a couple of meals for Dad or to pick up a few groceries for Mom. And REALLY, no one expects us to! We get stuck in the “I should be able to take care of my parents” mindset and when our own busy life interferes with that mindset, we feel we have somehow failed. To alleviate the guilt we start saying things like “for their age”. But being able to TAKE CARE OF MY PARENT has taken on a new meaning with the changes in our lifestyle. The CARE that you provide now could be helping your parents identify where they need assistance and finding services to provide that assistance. But first you need to work through the guilt and denial and take an honest look. You can do it!! Make a New Year’s Resolution that you can’t break!

Jane Murakami

Golden Years Planning

(507) 403-3875

www.goldenyearsinfo.com