Please Remember the Band-Aids

Imagine that you are in a foreign country, you don’t speak the language and you are hungry, thirsty, and tired. You see a friendly face so you go up and try to ask for a glass of water or something to eat. They smile, pat you on the head, say “ghexi  nse  sldsmbdg  enszht” and depart quickly. Now imagine that this is in your very own home. How frustrated would you be? Or would you become frightened or maybe simply resigned to the “fact” that you can’t control anything. This is how I imagine someone in the later stages of dementia sees their world.

There isn't a cure for dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease and it seems to me that most of the reading material that I come across deals with how we, as “sound-thinking” individuals communicate with someone who has been diagnosed with dementia. I've read articles that state that you should speak slowly, allow time for them to respond. The articles tell of strategies/cues to build in to your communication. All very important information. But something always seemed to be missing. Article after article address the safety concerns, should your parent start to wander. Or the dangerous of cooking, once people become forgetful. Again, important but still something was missing.

The missing part for me, was the reminder to REMEMBER! Remember that this person who stares blankly at you when you speak to them is the same person who put Band-Aids on your imaginary boo boos to wear as trophies of your Emergency room-worthy “wounds”. Or the person who snuck a secret piece of candy into your hand after you had been scolded for something that clearly wasn’t YOUR fault. Remember that this woman sat up all night tending to a sick child when she was bone tired. Remember that this man taught someone how to catch a baseball and how to hold a bat.

Even if you did not witness these events, REMEMBER that someone did. This IS someone’s mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, or child. Frustration, fear, worry, guilt—sure. You may feel all kinds of different emotions when trying to communicate with someone who has dementia. But REMEMBER to take a deep breath and try to imagine what emotions they are feeling. Are you the one who will be saying “ldivnw sthon tyyosjth thekp” ? Will your mind be racing with all the things that need to be done still? Or will you stop and think, “take your time, I can wait, I remember the Band-Aids”

Please, please, please………...REMEMBER the Band-Aids!

Jane Murakami

Golden Years Planning

(507) 403-3875

www.goldenyearsinfo.com