"All You Need Is Love" and other relationship lies!

As a pastor of a church, I spend a lot of time focusing on the topic of marriage... so whether you are single, dating, engaged, married, or single again... here are a few relationship myths to be aware of:

MYTH #1:  The first step to a healthy marriage is FINDING the right person.

TRUTH:  The first step to a healthy marriage is BECOMING the right person!

The reality is that unless you determine who you are going to become, you will always have issues in marriage!  Spend some time working on you - both before and during your marriage, because most of the "marriage issues" that you face are really his "me" issues and her "me" issues that are colliding in this neutral thing called marraige!

MYTH #2:  Marriage CHANGES people!

TRUTH:  Marriage REVEALS what's in people!

Let's be honest... the reason that you never got that frustrated, or angry, or bitter, or resentful before you got married is because marriage puts a lot of pressure on us.  When that pressure is applied, it doesn't change us - it reveals what is already inside of us!  When I was single, I had lots of free time, disposable income, and nobody to answer to... now I have the pressures of work, kids, time constraints, and financial stress.  Marriage is a unique environment that puts more pressure on us than almost any other environment.  So what is going on inside of you?  The Bible says this in Provers 4:23:

Guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life.

Before you point the finger at your spouse, and say that "they changed", deal with the stuff that is going on inside of you! 

MYTH #3:  The grass is greener ON THE OTHER SIDE!

TRUTH:  The grass is greener WHERE YOU WATER IT!

What are you doing to consistently water your marriage?  Counseling?  Date night?  Turning off the TV?  Love notes?  Flowers?  Have you stopped to consider if your spouse is feeling loved by what you are doing?  We buy into this myth that we can reconnect with our spouse through a candlelight dinner or an oceanside vacation, but the real key is in watering your relationship a little bit each day! 

If you didn't water your yard for a whole month, could you really make up for it in one day?  If I didn't eat for 40 days, and then ran to Old Country Buffet, could I really make up for it?  What is your plan to water your marriage consistnetly every day because it is the smaller daily connections that make up the heart and soul of marriage. 

Most women would rather receive a single rose 12 times a year than a dozen roses once a year!

MYTH #4:  LOVE is a lot of work!

TRUTH:  STAYING IN LOVE is a lot of work!

Falling in love is EASY... it requires a pulse!  I fell in love with Marcia Brady when I was 7 years old... I fell in love with Daisy Duke when I was 9 years old... I fell in love with a pepperoni pizza last week!  Falling in love is EASY!  STAYING in love takes real work.  It is a commitment to sacrifice daily for another person - REGARDLESS OF EMOTIONS!

The Bible says that we are to treat each other the way the Jesus treated us, telling us that Jesus HUMBLED HIMSELF and became human so that he could sacrifice himself for us!  That is the model for how we are to treat people, and I cannot think of another relationship where that applies more than your spouse!  Imagine the difference it would make if we chose every day to treat our spouse as if they were the most important person in the room.  What if we humbled ourselves, and sacrificed for them expecting nothing in return?  How would that change the relational and romantic climate of your relationship and household? 

I want you to know that regardless of how much relational wreckage is in your rear view mirror, God is way more concerned with your future than He is with your past!  So whether you are indifferent, desperate, or just need a marriage tune up, I hope that you will find this helpful and begin to apply it to your marriage today!