Etiquette Answers - The Guest List

Putting together your wedding guest list is possibly the most contentious part of planning your wedding. There are so many aspects to consider when trying to decide how many people to invite.

Hopefully, by the time you draw up your guest list you've decided with your fiance what style of wedding you're having. If you want to host an intimate wedding, then inviting only family and close friends is appropriate. However, many couples decide to have medium to large scale weddings and this is where things can get a little tricky.

Fortunately, there are a few etiquette guidelines to follow to keep you (and your budget) on track.

First, know building capacity for both your ceremony site and reception venue. Then, it is helpful to have an estimate from your caterer for appetizers, main courses and beverages before creating your guest list. For instance, if you know that you will spend $50 per person and have only $5000 for food and beverage, then your guest list should be around 100 people.

So now that you have a handle on the costs associated with each person, it is time to figure out who to invite. Do your best to divide these numbers equally, especially if you are having help financing your big day from parents and in-laws. When creating your list as a couple, envision family and friends that you couldn't imagine getting married without. Then let your relatives in on the number of people they are allowed to invite. It is perfectly reasonable to ask that co-workers and distant relatives of your parents and future in-laws be kept to a minimum.

Another thing that you absolutely need to do is make a "do not invite" list. This includes anyone you aren't comfortable with having at your wedding. Whether that is your dad's creepy co-worker or your fiance's ex-girlfriend. Don't bend on this rule. The last thing you need on your wedding day is to be worried about a guest that might act out.

Put your foot down on the + 1. I know, I know. Your fantastic girlfriend just started dating this great guy and "couldn't he just come to the wedding?" The problem with this scenario is if you say "yes" to one friend then you are obligated to say it to all of them. This can quickly add several people that you hadn't counted on and are strangers to you! Proper etiquette for + 1 is the wedding party gets to bring a guest, as do your friends with spouses. However, it is up to you how strict you want to be on this guideline. Many brides also allow friends that have been in long term relationships to bring their significant others. (Chances are, you've already invited them as a couple.)

Get organized. Create a spread sheet as soon as you have the names of everyone that will be invited. No, it is not your job to collect the addresses of your parent's and in-law's lists. This should have been done for you already. I also recommend giving them a dead-line and sticking to it. Remember, each person deals with their own set of parents if they are delaying getting you their list.

Finally, track your RSVP cards by writing a number on the back that corresponds with the person's name on your spreadsheet. This way, if their handwriting isn't legible you will still know who responded. Another option is to print out or write in guest names on the RSVP. Then all they have to do is send their attendance or regrets! This will completely eviscerate the possibility of someone taking the appalling liberty of writing in another guest on their RSVP.

Good luck with your guest lists. As always, happy planning!