Quest for the Best Onion Rings Might Kill Me

Writing articles or columns can be dangerous, and this one is no exception. 

I had a heart attack when I was a police captain in Maryland, so I stopped buying cigarettes and pipe tobacco. But, I guess I went from one obsessive behavior to another, as I gradually started putting on weight. Thank God it wasn’t gambling. I’d rather be fat than broke at age 58.

I guess I am gambling though. Onion rings, while not on my menu every day, creep onto the table when I’m at certain restaurants. I know at my age they can’t be very good for me, even if in moderation. But, if I am at a new restaurant I will always ask if the onion rings are homemade or frozen. If they are handmade fresh, I’ll try them at least once.

The place with the best onion rings in St. Louis used to be the Parkmoor, with locations in Clayton at Clayton Road and Big Bend Boulevard or the drive-in at Manchester and N. Kirkwood roads. These onion rings were egg-battered and hand-dipped. They were similar to the type some families—not mine—would make at home in the 1950s with boiling oil in a heavy cast-iron pot. But, the last Parkmoor closed in 2007.  

You can bite through the onion if an onion ring is properly prepared. If the onion comes out whole, leaving the batter or breading in your hand, it has either been under or overcooked. 

Just in case I decide to go cold turkey on onion rings this Lent or next New Year’s Day, I decided to go on a hunt for the best onion rings I could find in Chesterfield or within a mile of the city. Here are the results of my unscientific test:

No. 1: , located along Kehrs Mill Road at Clayton Road. It is technically in Ballwin, but only about 1000 feet from Chesterfield city limits.

Charlotte’s Rib was opened by Herb Schwarz, the son-in-law of 1950s and '60s St. Louis TV personality Charlotte Peters. Charlotte helped promote the first place in Kirkwood in 1977. It moved to to Ballwin on Manchester Road in 1979, and moved again to their current location. Herb’s daughter, Lisa Schwarz, and her husband now run the restaurant.

Despite the moves and changes, the onion rings have stayed the same. They are almost exactly like the onion rings the Parkmoor served, except they have a special seasoning on them.

“My dad served the same onion rings since he ran the Town Hall restaurant on Clayton Road next to the Esquire Theater, where Applebee’s is now located,” Lisa Schwarz said.

She agreed the rings are a lot like the ones served at Parkmoor. “Much of the recipe from Parkmoor may have walked across the street from the Parkmoor to the Town Hall at one time,” she said.

“The secret is the batter. Unfortunately, we are underdogs on appetizers and sides. Everyone loves them but we don’t get the shout outs because the BBQ is so well-known.”

No. 2: , a chain outlet at Chesterfield Mall, has golden brown O-rings that are made from fresh-cut onions and hand-dipped in batter when ordered.

“We dip them and fry them three minutes before they reach your table,” manager Marty Soll said.

A half-order of the thin rings is almost too much for one person. The basket, which is half hand-cut fresh french fries and half onion rings, is enough for a table of four. These are thinner and less greasy than the Charlotte Ribs rings and the batter is lighter.

No. 3: The last remaining drive-in around, , cuts onions fresh every day. Each drive-in uses a Sonic premix for the batter. The rings are dipped in batter, then breaded and then dipped again. This is done in the morning, and if they run out, they make fresh batches throughout the day.

Sonic onion rings have a sweet taste to them, but that doesn’t come from the onions.

“We buy regular yellow onions from the supplier. The same you can get at the grocery store,” said Chesterfield Sonic manager Nicole Grantham. “The sweet taste comes from the batter.”

One word of warning: You need to eat them while they are hot. Cold Sonic onion rings lose their special taste in a hurry. Also, there can be an aftertaste if the onion rings are overcooked. However, for fast food onion rings, these have a unique taste, and if you are lucky they are delivered to your car by someone on roller skates.   

After all the orders of onion rings for this column, I think I my blood is pumping a little slower, and I need to buy a bottle of Stridex pads. But, they were tasty.