After her first date with a new guy, I asked my friend how the date went. She proceeded to tell me that she wasn’t interested in him because she was turned off by his small hands and the way he ate. I looked at her and waited to hear the rest of the story. There had to be more to the story, right? That couldn’t be the only reason she refused to see the guy again. “I can’t date a man with small hands!” she replied.
As a matchmaker, I regularly hear a long list of traits that people want in a mate. He has to be at least six feet tall, funny, a dog lover, make at least six figures, athletic, love jazz, with nice nails and teeth. She must be slender, outgoing, a great cook, a liberal, blonde, a sports fan and love the outdoors. I often have to get clarification regarding which of those traits on the list are deal breakers and which ones are just preferences. I believe that everyone should have standards but could it be that your long list of standards is the very thing keeping you from finding a mate?
With every increasing item on your list, your pool of potential mates decreases. I am not suggesting that anyone settle for someone who does not make them happy. I am also not suggesting that a person’s level of attraction towards another individual, or lack thereof, can be ignored. However, I am suggesting that people having difficulty finding their ideal mate take the time to discover what is most important to them and determine which items on their list are requirements and which are preferences. Being selective is a good thing. Setting standards so high that your ideal mate is one in a million is unrealistic.
Everyone has preferences but letting them get in the way of your priorities can mean missing out on a great potential partner. You just may find that the short guy making less than six figures with a dry sense of humor and a love for cats makes you the happiest woman in the world and that you love holding his small hands.
Perfect Pairings is a matchmaking service that connects singles in the St. Louis metropolitan area looking for a long term committed relationship. For more information about Perfect Pairings, visit www.perfectpairingsstl.com.
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