Tips for Communicating with Aging Loved Ones about End of Life Decisions and Care

As more people enter the later stages of life, it becomes increasingly important to recognize ways to communicate with our loved ones. And, while growing older is inevitable, fear of embarrassing, insulting or angering a loved one often keeps people from facilitating conversations about a person’s ability to care for him or herself independently.

At MediNurse, we care about the health of you and your loved ones. Utilize our Tips for Communicating with Aging Loved Ones for suggestions of how to communicate effectively about care and quality of life. Approaching this conversation now can open the door for planning and coordinating care in the future.

Items to consider:

WHO:

· Any aging parent, relative, or loved one who may need assistance now or in the future.

· Include in the conversation only people who your loved one trusts.

· Include in the conversation only those individuals who are willing to help.

WHAT:

· Discuss your loved ones preferences and options for care.

· Talk about financial costs for each care option.

· Make decisions together.

· Accept offers of help from other family members or friends.

· As time passes, confirm that your loved one’s preferences haven’t changed.

· Follow through on your promises.

WHERE:

· Open the discussion in a familiar environment, where everyone feels comfortable and secure.

WHEN:

· Talk sooner rather than later.

· Talk when all parties are open to the discussion.

· Schedule the conversation, setting aside time when you can talk without interruption.

· Have the discussion with your loved one before a crisis occurs.

If it is necessary to discuss during a crisis:

· Educate yourself about your loved one’s condition as soon as possible.

Talk to your loved one immediately under these circumstances:

· If there are noticeable changes in memory.

· If there are visible changes in physical appearance.

· If your loved one feels sad or lonely all or most of the time.

· If your loved one needs assistance when walking, climbing stairs or getting in/out of bed.

· If your loved one needs assistance when dressing, bathing, etc.

· If your loved one needs assistance with activities around the home.

· If sleep patterns have changed.

HOW:

· Come prepared with an agenda and a list of possible solutions for areas of concern.

· If all parties agree, consider having an outside party present to facilitate the conversation. A social worker or family counselor are viable options.

· Be patient, honest, sincere and a good listener.

· Show empathy for the situation (or impending situation).

· As you talk, have your loved one write his/her preferences down, or, if he/she is unable, do it for the person throughout the conversation.

· Avoid making assumptions or decisions for your loved one.

· End the discussion promptly if arguing ensues or either party is too tired or angry to communicate effectively.

· Make a list and take an inventory of important documents, medical records, medication, etc.

· Make a list of emergency contacts to distribute to all necessary family members.

· Close the discussion by repeating back what you heard to confirm understanding.

· Follow up with other family members who will be involved in care and decisions. Ensure understanding and coordinate a plan of action.

Important reminder:

Patients can sometimes forget to share their preferences with healthcare providers. To ensure plans run smoothly, patients should write the names of individuals that the healthcare provider can share their medical information with. If a name is not listed on the heath care form, doctors and nurses are unable to discuss a patient’s health.

It can be difficult to recognize that our loved ones may need assistance in decision making and care. Defining when assistance is necessary and determining where to start may be overwhelming. MediNurse is here to help.

MediNurse is St. Louis’ premier provider of private duty nursing, and offers care services that are customized to the individual needs and expectations of the client, patient and loved ones to ensure the best care possible. For more information, call us at 314-781-2800 or visit www.medinurse.com.