Dad Can’t Remember…

Scenario: My sister went to Kansas City for a funeral. She was away overnight, which caused some grief for my father. He has dementia, and his short-term memory is affected. She left at 6:00 p.m. and by 10:00 p.m., Dad had asked at least 30 times where she was, why she left, where she was going, and when she would be back. Needless to say, by 10:30 p.m., I was ready to drag her back by her toes. Now I knew that Dad couldn’t remember, and he could not help it if he asked the same questions over and over and over again. But I was still very frustrated by having to answer the same questions many times throughout the evening.

Dementia is difficult on the caregiver. There is no way around it! In this common scenario above not only did I have to REMIND Dad what is happening, I had to REMIND myself of the following sanity saving points:

1.  This is not his fault, and he does not know that he has already asked the same question 30 times. Dad cannot remember!

2.  He cannot live alone or take care of himself, which is why I moved in with him 2 years ago when my Mom passed away. 

3.  He needs both my sister and I to keep him safe, make sure he is drinking enough fluids, eating his meals, taking his medications, seeing his physicians, etc. We manage the basics for his survival!

4.  I must state my responses clearly, responding with affection and in a reassuring tone.

5.  I must remember to anticipate circumstances like this. Plan on redirecting and distracting your loved one throughout the confusing situation.

6.  I must try to have a sense of humor because Dad still has his sense of humor and might like to laugh along too!

Caring for a loved one with dementia poses many challenges for families and caregivers. People with dementia have a progressive brain disorder that makes it more and more difficult for them to remember things, think clearly, communicate with others, or take care of themselves. If you are in this situation, ask for help when you need it! Don’t hesitate to bring in assistance from a reputable company to support you. Getting some respite is very important; there is nothing wrong with you if you choose this course of action. Take care of yourself so you can do what you are committed to do. This strategy will help you support your loved one and stay focused on what is best for all!

Lori Holmgren MSN, RN