Choosing Less and Gaining More

When I graduated college and was hired by a local oil distributor, I had a great boss who took me under his wing and shared his philosophies not only about the oil industry, but also about personal finance. Within a few months of beginning my job, Ed advised me that my husband and I should start building an emergency account, planning first for a couple of months’ expenses, but gradually stashing away enough money to live on for a year. 

Back in 2000, when I didn’t know anybody who was unemployed, this advice seemed like a dreamy goal for someday. We had saved up a couple of months’ worth of expenses and couldn’t imagine ever needing more. 

Eleven years later, I’m a lot wiser now and I’m sorry to say, we learned the hard way. A couple of months’ expenses evaporate quickly when unemployment comes, especially when your rainy day fund doesn’t include money for the inevitable out-of-pocket health insurance expenses. 

Ever since the economic downturn that began, for most of us in 2008, many families are rethinking how they prioritize their finances. While it used to be that my main focus was “bigger, better, and as soon as possible,” my energy has switched to prioritizing owning something rather than owing on it, and being happy with what I have now. 

It’s no easy task and we don’t always act very satisfied in our new attitude toward money. My husband drives a 15-year-old Honda without air conditioning while we save to pay cash for a newer car. In our Mehlville subdivision, the houses get bigger and better as you drive through and I admit that as we’re getting a little squeezed in our 1,100-square foot house, I have to fight to mentally stay put. 

I don’t mean to give the impression that we think we’re making a big sacrifice or that this is some noble cause. Our parents grew up with far less space in their homes and it seems to be the renewed trend that families are reevaluating what’s worth their time, stress and commitment.

There are some great benefits to the new realities that the economic downturn has created for families who are starting to focus more on building up emergency funds, rather than getting the new platinum Visa card or a bigger house. For instance, paying into an emergency fund has made it seem like we have fewer emergencies. It’s not true, of course. The dryer still breaks down and my kids still have 13 cousins who each have a birthday every year. The absence of money stress, though, makes us feel like everything is going smoothly. 

In fact, the absence of stress is a huge benefit both for your marriage and for your ability to be a good parent. I didn’t realize until we started living on a complete cash basis how much money affected my relationship with my husband and my ability to be an effective mother when money was tight. 

Staying in our little house has also afforded us some great spending money for things that might otherwise not make it on our budget. We not only take a long summer vacation, but we regularly go on other trips throughout the year. They’re not fancy, but they are rich in relationship-building between family members. 

The sheer lack of space in our house has its beauty, too. While I sometimes get edgy, tripping over my kids as I cook dinner (why must everyone always be in the kitchen?!) I love that there’s nowhere for anyone to hide out, pout or get into trouble that I can’t hear. We have a huge backyard for running and other energy-spending activities, but our house is definitely built for togetherness.  

If you’re in a different spot and feel like debt is swallowing you alive, I’ve been there. There have been times when money was ridiculously tight as we worked to get rid of debt accumulated during a time of unemployment, and at times it seemed as if the debt could never be truly be gone from a one-income household. If you want to know how we did it, email me at the link above. 

Sometime soon it may make sense for us to graduate to a bigger house, one that I hope will have two bathrooms. But I feel confident that when we do, it will be because we truly can afford it, and not because we’ve convinced ourselves that we just can’t wait.