The Faces of Our Lives

The lunch dishes are cleared, the baby is down for a nap, and mom is ready with her coffee, chocolate and a throw blanket. She flips on the television, anxious to see what has happened between Bo and Hope. Older kids get tossed a popsicle during a commercial break to keep them outside and quiet for at least 20 more minutes of "Days of Our Lives."

This may have been the scene, even just 10 years ago, when moms escaped to soap operas during the quiet hours of the afternoon. However, lately, a new soap opera is waiting for moms when she has a few free minutes. It stars her very best friends and casual acquaintances, and even a few that she knows by name but hasn’t seen in 15 years. When naptime hits, she knows she can catch up with most of her friends’ lives by logging on to Facebook. 

For years, we all tried to keep up the appearance of non-interest, pretending we rarely ever checked out Facebook, even when we finally gave in and set up a profile. But the jig is up. If you are a busy mom, whether you stay home or work full-time, you’ve likely found that Facebook is a great way to combat the isolation we all feel in the demands of managing our families. 

I asked several Mehlville and Oakville moms to give me the scoop on their Facebook use. I wanted to know if they find themselves spending more time there than they intended, what tasks they ignore while they play on Facebook, and whether they ever feel guilty about it. 

Dawn Townsend, mother of Alex, told me, “Unfortunately, I am hooked. I spend way too much time on it. So much time that laundry, dishes and general house cleaning all start over-taking my house because I'd rather catch up with friends and see what they've been up to.” Dawn also admits to a Bejeweled addiction, but said that while she’s at work, she tries to limit her Facebook use to breaks. 

Fellow Bierbaum mom Tina Kult told me that she sometimes finds that her morning exercise time or evening read has been eaten up by Facebook, and is also a Bejeweled “victim.” Overall, though, she seems happy to have the escape.

“It's fun to check-in with friends. Spontaneous comments from the kids are some on my status comments and sharing some inspiring photos or positive thoughts helps to lift my spirit as well,” she said.  

While Facebook is a great way to feel connected to friends, when in so many other ways moms can feel very alone, the site holds potential for some very real drama.

Karin Jackson, mother of four, told me that while she loves catching up with people on Facebook, she and her husband have set some boundaries, including not friending the husbands of friends and being careful to use discretion when choosing Facebook friends. 

Karin also noted that the site has made a definite difference in helping her keep up with old friends. When she recently attended a high school reunion, she and her friends were already familiar through what she called the “online time machine.” 

For me, Facebook provides a way to keep up with not only my friends, but also family that lives far away. I love having a small window into the lives of my nieces and nephews that are in their teens and 20s. But, like the other moms I talked to, I can lose track of time and then guilt comes calling. 

However, while Internet addiction is a very real thing, for the vast majority of moms, we’re just finding a healthy way to relax. I have to remind myself that if I wasn't ignoring the laundry and mopping with Facebook, I’d certainly find another reason not to do it. I’ve always been pretty comfortable with less-than-perfect housekeeping. 

Facebook gives us an alternative to vegging out and wasting our afternoons like sands in the hourglass. Instead we use our precious free time getting a lift by catching up with, as Dawn put it, the “faces of our lives.”