Visiting Great Grandma

One of the shocking realities of adulthood is watching grandparents, those heroes of our childhood, struggle in their later years. My maternal grandmother, whom I was accustomed to seeing very regularly, moved from her home in Affton to the Laclede Groves Convalescent Home last November. 

The transition has been mostly positive, but I miss visiting my grandma at her house and the nursing home is a little farther of a drive for us. When the process began for her to move, I began to think about how to best stay close to her, especially because most, if not all, of our visits would also include my rowdy kids. 

We got our first opportunity to try things out the day after she moved into the nursing home. My two daughters were with me, and we tried our best to help my grandma, who has Alzheimer’s Disease, feel comfortable in her new home. She was very confused when a staff member asked if I was a relative, saying no and introducing me as a friend instead. She was also looking for my grandfather, who has not been alive since I was a young child. 

That first day was hard. It was tough not to feel sad, seeing my grandma so confused. I also felt like I was juggling making her feel comfortable with trying to help my 4-year-old understand all that her big blue eyes were taking in. However, it only took that one visit to make me realize that taking my kids with me to see her was one of the best things I could do for my grandmother, and a great experience for my kids and me too. 

I’ve learned a few things along the way to help make our visits fun. While my grandma has settled in at the nursing home and doesn’t mistake me for a friend anymore, she still doesn’t ever recognize my kids when we come. One conversation with my kids was all it took to keep them from reacting to her confusion, and every time we come, I save my grandma any potential embarrassment by introducing them again, saying “You remember my kids, Grandma…” and then say each of their names. 

The kids have become accustomed to other oddities at the nursing home. When another resident mistook my 6-year-old for her own grandson, he took her affection in stride. It has surprised me how much grace young children have for others who don’t always abide by established social code, for whatever reason. My grandma often asks the same questions repeatedly during a visit, but the kids patiently answer her each time. 

We have also learned to take along coloring books and snacks. My grandma is sometimes at a meal when we arrive, so having a snack at her table with her feels like a normal visit at her house. I’ve also found that when we visit in the common area, there is so much more to talk about when we can see the outdoors from multiple windows and enjoy the birds in the aviary. 

We keep our visits short. We only stay an hour at the most, because it seems to be a good amount of time for both my kids and my grandmother. Even though I try to join my grandmother for conversation in whatever frame of her life she’s in that day with her Alzheimer’s, she still gets confused when she tries to reconcile the scene in front of her with what her mind is doing with the past. I think it’s tiring for her to keep trying to remember where my kids and I fit, so we give lots of hugs and head out after a short time. 

When we want to take my grandma a gift, we make sure it is something consumable. She has a very small room, and one of the symptoms of her Alzheimer’s is that she tends to pack and rearrange things in her room. So we might just take her a little package of cookies or a small bouquet of flowers that won’t become a burden for the staff. Our usual gift is to leave a picture that one of the kids colored during the visit. 

Even with some of the unusual behaviors the kids have observed on our visits, they regularly ask if we can go see Great Grandma. I’m so thankful that they love her and that while we’re there, she loves them, too. At times I feel very sad that my once sharp, witty grandmother is at a point where she needs such focused help, but it’s also been an unexpected happiness to see my kids enjoy her.