Why I Stopped Talking About My Weight

When I was expecting my first daughter, I remember sitting at the counter at my mother’s house, listening to my sisters and sisters-in-law do what we always do: eat junk food and talk about how bad it is for us. We compare recipes and talk about how yummy the appetizers are, but laced in the conversations are references to fat grams, calories and Weight Watchers points.

This conversation invariably leads to the all-time favorite topic of any group of women, related or not. It’s the “what I’m doing right now to lose weight.” Some shrug and laugh about how they’ve just plain given up, while others compare notes on which DVD workout is their current favorite. It’s a fun conversation.

However, this particular time, I thought to my 37-week-pregnant self, “that’s enough.” I’ve been thinking and talking about my weight since my college years. I decided that if I were having a girl, I’d no longer have this conversation, at least not in front of my daughter.

Three daughters later, I’m finding out that it’s a difficult resolution to keep. I’m determined, though.

There are good reasons to weed diet talk out of your conversation, too.

With so much attention given to the obesity problems in the United States, it’s easy to forget that there are some who struggle to absorb enough calories because of eating disorders. And it’s not just girls.

The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) estimates that about 10 percent of those who seek help for eating disorders are males.

Research is ongoing to find out what causes eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia nervosa. However, experts know that a complex combination of environmental and biological factors contribute to the onset of an eating disorder.

For instance, one big biological predictor of eating disorders is family history. Another factor that might increase risk is membership in certain groups, like sororities, or participation in certain sports, like gymnastics or figure skating.

Historically, eating disorders have sometimes been cast as a rich white girl’s problem, but eating disorders affect all races and ages, and both genders. And it’s not a lifestyle choice, either, as it has been perceived.

Those with anorexia, for example, often enter a cycle of recovery and relapse that is difficult to overcome. Anorexia is the most deadly mental disorder, with a higher morbidity rate than even depression or schizophrenia.

There are many signs that may provide a warning that your child could be developing an eating disorder. For instance, a child that wears baggy clothing during warm weather and refuses to wear even a modest swimsuit may be struggling with body image problems.

The NEDA suggests that one way to prevent eating disorders is to avoid categorizing food using specific labels, such as bad versus good food. In addition, parents should avoid talking about diets or obtaining certain body shapes as a way to achieve happiness or fulfillment.

There are other subtle things that enter conversation, too, like asking your husband if an item of clothing makes you look fat. We don’t talk about an outfit making us look skinny, just simply, “that looks great on you.”

It was hard to undo years of diet-focused conversation. I’m still working on it. But I knew I was getting somewhere when I felt horrified to hear a relative tell my daughter to stop eating something “because it would make her get fat.”

I’ve noticed that since that day at my mom’s house, the diet conversation has become extinct at family gatherings. I’ve wondered if I wasn’t the only one having the thought that maybe it wasn’t such a healthy habit.

We all struggle to accept ourselves the way we are, but losing the diet topic has helped me, too. And if I get nothing more out of it than three daughters who think their weight isn’t a topic of conversation, it will be completely worth the change. 

For more information about the warning signs and treatment of eating disorders, visit the NEDA website.