Why Mother's Day is a Mess

My friends have heard me say it: Mother’s Day is inherently flawed.

I loved this day as a kid. I loved making my mom the latest in a series of “Number One Mom” construction paper crafts from Highlights magazine. It was fun tearing the kitchen apart just trying to make toast and tea for breakfast in bed while I’m sure she squirmed in her room to hear the dishes clashing loudly on the counter.

When my husband Jason and I got married, I could already see a hairline crack creeping into this holiday. We each had to figure out how to honor our own moms after church, with both of us having genuine appreciation for our mothers-in-law, too. Usually we just ran to both places, located about 30 minutes apart in Oakville and Creve Coeur. Not a big deal.

Enter children and the whole thing’s a mess. How are my kids and husband supposed to treat me to Mother’s Day when I don’t slow down long enough to be treated? We haven’t yet figured out how to swing this holiday with both of our families in town.

Jason has said that there should be a rule that Mother’s Day should be celebrated only for those with children still under their roof, just to make it clean and easy to celebrate. But our parents are still in the trenches with us, offering free babysitting and being pretty involved in our lives.

What usually happens is that we divide and conquer, with me taking one or more kids with me to enjoy time with my mom, while Jason runs up to his parents’ house with whichever kids I haven’t claimed. Some years, I've ditched all of my kids to go shopping or out to dinner with my mom. It seems strange to be without my kids on Mother’s Day, though.

And I always wonder how his mom feels when I miss out on her day. I don’t like it either.

Has anyone figured this out? I wonder, too, how families with step-parents get through this holiday without things becoming a tangled disaster.

I’ve thought about declaring that my family is giving up Mother's Day, giving my kids a break that will surely be appreciated someday when they’re the ones running. It’s a Hallmark holiday anyway, and I always feel a little silly that my husband makes such a big deal over me. But, honestly, does eliminating even a flawed holiday really reflect the values I want to teach my children?

I want to teach my kids that your mom is worth some aggravation because you certainly give her a lot of grief. The day I had my son, I suddenly had this leap in my understanding of my mother. I called her and apologized immediately.

My husband and kids need to make a big deal out of me, and I need to make a big deal out of our moms because it’s a big opportunity for the kids to learn a little bit about saying thank you for something that will never quite be covered by just a thank you.

There are other things like this in life. Like when I say, “I love you” to my husband and it seems a little inadequate in light of our 16-year history together.

I will always heave a big sigh on Mother’s Day as we try to figure out how to divide our time because I think that the Hallmark guys are probably having a good chuckle over the trouble they’ve caused.

I hope our moms know that we love them far beyond the frazzled time we spend with them on this special day, and in the heat of parenting ourselves, we are so grateful for all they do and have done for us. 

Mother’s Day is a bit of a mess, but that’s life as a mom anyway, right?