Why You Should (Maybe) Have More Kids

An older woman walked over to my kids and I while we were have dinner at St. Louis Bread Co. last week when my husband was out of town.

“You’re one gutsy woman,” she said. She had my attention, and I anxiously waited to hear what earned me that statement.

She pointed to my pregnant tummy and said, “I had four kids and I’m not sure I would do it again. I’m 81 years old and I still remember clearly how
much work they were and how expensive everything was.” She was a fun lady and we laughed together in the way women do when they share motherhood experiences.

Her comments were interesting to me, though, as I was right in the middle of reading a thought-provoking book called Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids, by Bryan Caplan. Caplan is an economist and his book is focused on several reasons to expand a family by maybe a kid or two more than you planned to have.

One of Caplan’s main theories is that one of the reasons parents have decided to have fewer children is that we’ve all made ourselves miserable with an impossible level of parenting. He cites study after study supporting nature over nurture, telling parents that unless you mess up in a major way, your over-the-top efforts with activities and academics to help your kids excel are probably not going to have a significant impact on how they turn out in measures of income, achievement and even their character.

Caplan said, for instance, that if an hour or two a day of electronic babysitting make you a happier parent, then do it. He said that while kids definitely count, our culture has started to behave as if they are the only people who count. Parents should be happy and have a life, too. If bedtime makes us miserable, maybe hiring a babysitter a couple of nights a week should be prioritized over some other expenses.

He also said that though we’ve all encouraged our kids not to bow to peer pressure, he believes that it’s a central deciding factor in family size. People largely decide how many kids to have based on how many kids their friends have, instead of taking a deeper look.

One of Caplan’s reasons to have more kids is one that has been a constant player in my decision-making about how many kids we will have. He said that parents, in the midst of diapers and sleepless nights, make short-sighted decisions about how many kids they want. Instead, he recommends parents think ahead to their retirement and how many kids they might enjoy then, rather than basing their entire decision on the aggravations of the first 2-3 years of a child’s life.

Caplan also encourages parents to think about the grandchildren they might like to enjoy later. If a couple has one child, they are placing a pretty significant bet on that one child providing grandchildren. I have seen my parents reap this particular benefit of having a large family. They love kids, which is why I was one of six children. Now, they are enjoying the fun of expecting their 17th grandchild.

Caplan said that fewer than 4 percent of women in their early forties in 2006 had five or more children, compared to 1976 when 20 percent of women had five or more.

It’s been surprising to me how generally negative people seem to be about the early years of parenting. I have been stopped at the library, the grocery store, and many other places to hear a stranger tell me that I must have my hands full or similar comments while they shake their heads. While I certainly have my days when I think I might not be equal to the task, my husband and I are having a lot of fun.

Sure, changing diapers and wiping noses isn't where I get my fulfillment in life, but I can remember other times in life that had drudgery, too. What I often think about most when my husband and I are talking about family size, though, is how much I love being a part of my big family. I have five siblings that have dropped everything to help me many times, and our holidays and other get-togethers are big, loud and fun.

Caplan’s book was interesting, and I read it with an awareness that theories are easy to swallow when they happen to support your own choices and experiences. However, our reasons for having a larger family are pretty simple. We like kids and don’t mind chaos. They can be expensive, but we never planned to be rich, and can’t think of a better way to spend our money than an investment in years of live-in entertainment.