Crossroads of Life: Crossroads of Parenting

A few months ago, I wrote a blog about the difficulty of letting go of one stage of my son's life and the fear of the upcoming unknown in his tween years. That proverbial 'unknown' began two weeks ago as my son began at his new school--now a middle school-er.

As a parent, I knew Adam was prepared emotionally, physically, academically and socially for this next chapter. As my teacher-friend who educates 5th graders said, "We want them to be ready to move on. We want them to feel a connection with the new school, like they are divorcing their elementary school." 

As strange as the word 'divorce' seems in this context, it is a perfect word picture. Even in a true divorce situation, you still have the happy memories of what brought you together as a couple, but you also see the reason to 'move on'. Any elementary school would have high hopes that their former students take the positive experiences, learned responsibilities and friendships formed and bring them to the middle school.

But rarely does life hand you exactly what you wish for, hope for, plan for, dream for. And this came true for Adam when he got his class schedule. Divided into two teams, the Blue Team and the Red Team, the three elementary schools that fed into this new school were apparently selected randomly in placement.

For whatever reason, but nonetheless true, most of the boys out of Adam's elementary school became the Red Team and majority of the girls from his school joined the Blue Team. Adam was placed on the Blue Team and did not find one single true-blue friend on the Blue Team with him.

By team placement, you are taught your 'core' subjects--what we might say are the three R's--reading, writing and arithmetic (but also include science and geography)--with the other kids placed on the same colored team. No red team kids will have these core classes with blue. Only the specials, like PE and their music elective gives the chance for the teams to intermingle (unless you count lunch and recess).

So Adam finds himself in his first of many challenging crossroads. Discouraged right away that all his friends were placed elsewhere, he knows he has a social dilemma facing him immediately. His task is to find new friends to connect with on campus, without feeling that he isn't losing the already-established elementary friendships.

I believe in God's sovereignty in Adam's placement. While I could have reared my mama bear paws and demand my son be switched to Red Team, I knew that he belonged where ultimately God had placed him.

Adam's two older brothers spent a collective 5 years at the same school--and even though each year your team changes, his brothers remained "Blue" all 5 years. When Adam found himself on the Blue Team too, I found it appropriate. I recognized nearly 100 percent of his teacher's names.

In a 12 year span between our oldest's first attendance and Adam arriving at the school, these same teachers were teaching these same subjects for the same team. Not a coincidence in my mind; it was the providential hand of God. There is comfort in the assurance he has wonderful teachers who will care for him.

Does it make it any easier on Adam to navigate this crossroad of feeling like he is without friends? Does it make him feel any less lonely or to figure out how to make good, trustworthy friends? Certainly not.

But it isn't always the warm fuzzy, feel-good moments in life that build our character. It is when we have to rely on ourselves, the voices of experience (parents and educators), and the God whom we serve that build us and make us wiser and gives us experience.

This too shall pass. It has been a mere 2 weeks. Adam is not alone in this feeling and is not the first to feel like he is floundering in a new environment. In the meantime, I will listen, I will guide...but most of all, I will get on my knees and pray. For this crossroad and for all the others that will follow.